Ketchikan, Day 6

I woke up this morning to a blinding headache and the heavy-lidded feeling normally associated with "I want to go back to bed, but that is currently impossible due to the migraine attached to my spinal cord." Ah well. I fought the urge to get up, but then I realized that if I didn't get up and take something for my headache, I would probably die. So I got up.

As Kat was still sleeping, I tried to be very quiet in leaving the room. I grabbed my computer and its power cord--for some reason I can't remember, they were in separate pieces--and made my way ninja-like from the bedroom. I got to the door before it dawned on me that it might be hard to open it without making a lot of noise. After all, my hands were full. I did manage to get it open without too much of a hassle, but after I was out of the room, I remembered that I would need to close the door behind me.

Hmmm. Predicament number two. This was remedied by me perfecting an acrobatic move otherwise known as "I'm too lazy to put down what I have in my hands." This entailed the use of my right foot as I used my toes to grasp the door handle and close it. Yes, I am a ninja. House of Flying Daggers influenced my behavior this morning because that was the last thing I did last night.

Anyhow, this blog is about yesterday, not today, so back to Sunday's events. Sunday was such a good Sabbath. It was the epitome of good Sabbaths. I went to early service with Tyler, and prayer was very powerful. I can tell that God is moving powerfully in this church and that revival is coming to Ketchikan. I feel blessed to be able to see the brink. During prayer, I wrote a prayer in my notebook because I was feeling distant, and then God answered my prayer in service. What gives?! I'm getting somewhat weirded out by all of this...prayer Tuesday, and now this. Seriously, it's weirding me out, but at the same time, it's exciting and it's confirming a lot for me. This isn't really explaining it very well...

Anyhow, after service, Ty and I cleaned the guns from Saturday. Me, the anti-gun girl, has not only fired them, but cleaned them as well. This trip has certainly been educational, amongst many other things. :)

We met up with the girls after second service for lunch at Ocean's View. (I know that means nothing to most people who will read this, but tough.) There was a mixup with soup at lunch b/c I ordered a bowl, Princess had a cup as a side, and I ended up with hers. (Sorry, P!) It was a big "cup." Anyone could make that mistake!!!

After lunch, it was naptime till small group. Okay, there was some conversation and snuggle time with Tyler in there, because it really hit me yesterday that I would be leaving tonight. That hurt. At least it's only three weeks further before Tyler comes back to school. If we can handle two and a half months, we should be able to handle three more weeks. Ideally.

But small group was really good. Again, there's all this confirmation and pointers. It's a lot to come to grips with, a lot to take to heart, a lot to keep in mind. But it's so good. I think this summer has really been preparing me for this past week, because there's a lot that I wouldn't have been ready for had this summer not been like it was. That probably doesn't make much sense...but in other news, my headache is gone! :)

There was some good chill time after small group. ("You know you're charismatic when..." :) ) Kat and I discussed Narnia and God. It's going to be sad not to talk with her as much as we have this past week. MSN is going to be my new best friend again. :) We talked about not being able to room when I leave. *sadness* I really don't want to leave, but I don't have much of a choice in the matter because of RA duties.

I watched part of House of Flying Daggers last night before bed. I was going to finish watching it this morning, but then I started blogging, and well, this blog is getting ginormous. Plus, Kat and I are now watching Lilo & Stitch and a Hilary Duff special on tv. TV bouncing is fun. :) I'll just have to go up and bug Ty at his apartment in the fall so that I can finish the movie. Like I wouldn't be doing that anyway...k, I'm gonna go now.

Ketchikan, Day 5

When I woke up this morning at nine thirty, I grabbed some books and my mp3 player and headed out to the deck. It was quiet, I was one of two people awake, but I didn't realize there was anyone else awake. It was very peaceful to read My Utmost for His Highest and then my Bible while out there, taking in the view of the channel. Every now and then a float plane would go by, or a boat would pass in the channel. Again, I loved it. Gave me a lot of time to delve and to contemplate God's goodness.

Later, I went to the firing range with Tyler. My first time to a firing range ever, and my first time to ever fire a weapon. It took me awhile to get used to the shock waves from the larger weapons, and some of it downright reminded me of home in Africa. (Esp. brought back memories of an early morning jail break that took place a couple of blocks from our home a few years back...) After the initial exposure, I ended up firing three different weapons--two handguns and a rifle--with two different calibers. (I can't remember what caliber, I'll get more details tomorrow when Tyler's awake...) It was nothing big. I've discovered I'm pretty much a pansy when it comes to firearms. I'm okay with that. :) I did, however, admire Tyler's capabilities with the various guns we brought along. He's the man, what can I say?

When we got back from the firing range, the original plan had been to go kayaking later in the afternoon, but that fell through. Instead, Tyler and I went out to a restaurant called The Landing for lunch-ish, and when we got back--waiting for the phone call to signal kayaking--we all sort of napped in the living room. I ended up clambering into the same easy chair as Tyler--I don't think he was absolutely thrilled with it, but he put up with my silliness. Okay, so the chair really wasn't made for two people, but I sacrificed the feeling in my butt and my left arm/hand to snuggle. Geez...what won't people do? (Or should I say, what won't I do? I'm sure there aren't too many other psychos willing to do that...)

We ended up meeting up with Les, Kat and Laura down where Les works and taking a skiff out on the channel. It was a great ride, tons of fun. Lots of splashing and wind. I loved it. I really do like it up here, especially with this family. They make me feel at home. I hope I get to come back and visit again!

After the skiff ride, Tyler and I went to see a waterfall down south before dusk. It was very beautiful, and we climbed around the base a little. I even managed to brave the not-so-frigid Alaskan water to cross the partially submerged rocks. Lovely. I'm obsessed with water and waterfalls, so I thought it was breathtaking. By Victoria or Niagara standards, it wasn't anything huge, but it was beautiful all the same. On the way back into town, we saw a gorgeous sunset. My first gorgeous Alaskan sunset! And when we got back to the house, Tyler and I watched Gattaca--his favorite movie, and it's now way high on my list of faves. I wouldn't protest if I watched it again. :)

Anyhow, church in the morning, and I'm going to early service. Toodles!

Ketchikan, Day 4

Today, I saw nine bears and a buttload of eagles. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I started out the morning like any other morning, peeking at Kat's digital clock on her desk as quietly as I could to try to keep from waking her up. I'm always curious to see if it's a decent hour to get up or not. This morning, it really wasn't--for a vacation--but I couldn't fall back asleep. So at 8:23am, I got out of bed and headed to the living room.

There, I checked my email--nada--and looked at my online bank account. Aw crap. More bad news. Today was not the pay day I was expecting. So I called my mom and filled her in on the details. "Mom, I'm overdrawn for the first time in my life. What do I do?" *whimpers* Well, after the two overdrawn fees were slapped on--a total of $54 *more whimpering*--apparently, nothing else will happen...? I hope not. I called work later today and found out that pay day is Monday, so hopefully nothing will happen over the weekend and the world will continue revolving with Bethany having learned her lesson about balancing her checkbook.

I spent some time with a kitty on my lap being nice and cozy, then decided to brave the great chilly outdoors because the sun was coming out. That was simply fantastic. It got warm enough for me to be able to take my sweatshirt off and I was even hot in my tank top. Phenomenal! Kat and I then ate breakfast, got ready for the day, and headed off to Ward Lake up north.

We walked all around it, talking. I love talking with Kat. She's a great conversationalist. :) She did, however, force me to have an Alaskan photo shoot in a tree, but I forgive her. We also found a random rope swing along the way and a mother duck with her ducklings. I tell you, there is nothing cuter than mini-webbed feet...except bear cubs. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself. Then we drove around for awhile, picked people up from work, and came back here for dinner. I went out on the deck again and sat with my feet hanging over the edge. That was fun. :) Called my sister, ate dinner. (Crab quiche!!!)

After dinner, Kat and I went down south to Gaelen's house. We were on a mission to see bears. From there, we walked to the boardwalk by the hatchery, being highly discreet along the way b/c of trespassing. (Shh!) We saw a mother bear and a cub on the way there. Once we were on the boardwalk, we saw three more single bears, and two sets of mother bears and cubs. Nine in all. Of course, since it was by the hatchery, the bears weren't the only interested carnivores. There were tons, yea verily, buttloads of bald eagles in the trees. Simply phenomenal. And we almost got caught leaving the boardwalk, but we ducked down and hid. Okay, so we shouldn't have been trespassing...but it's Alaska, and apparently, this was an authentic Alaskan experience. :)

We finished up the evening with fresh chocolate chip cookies and milk at Gaelen's, and Kat and I listened to mostly techno on the drive back. (yes, techno! The funnest music in the world.) There was a cruise ship out from the shore with its lights all on. With the sunset in the background, it looked, as Kat said, just like an advertisement. Shoot, I was sold.

Got back to the house and only Laura was still in the living room. I had intended on asking Tyler a question before he went to bed, so I went up to his room, and fortunately he was still awake. I asked my question, got my answer, and only just now came down. That was about two hours ago that I went up for one question. I just got sidetracked with more conversation. And then I realized, again, how little I want to go back to Seattle. I want to stay! I guess it's better if I don't, because then the visit will become reality and reality's never quite the same as a visit. Still, I really like it up here with the Cronks. They're good people--even family. :)

Ketchikan, Day 3

Got to sleep in again today. YES! I'm digging this vacation thing. It's really the first time I've felt like I've been having summer vacation. However, I'm now tired again, so I might end up making this a shorter blog.

Aw crap. I just checked my bank statement online and I'm overdrawn. CRAP. That's a first for me. It's not good when folks don't cash checks as soon as they get them...especially when I don't pay attention to when that happens. God, thank you that at midnight I get paid and it's a direct deposit! *whimper* Seriously, must get finances under control. Y'know, I was beginning to wonder why that one paycheck lasted so long. NOW I KNOW WHY. Because I'm bad with finances... :P

Anyhow, went to a bbq at church today. Met someone from myspace. :) I got to hold her baby too, and she's so darn precious! I think I felt the urge to do me some baby stealing. But I resisted. :) After that, Laura and I dropped off Kat at work, then I was dropped off at the Cronk household and promptly started to be nosy through Ty's things. He gave me permission, in fact, even suggested it, so I wasn't doing anything bad. It helped fill out the picture of who Tyler is/was.

This afternoon, I got to go out on a boat. I made the mistake later in the evening of referring to it as a speed boat and was practically shot. It was actually a skiff. It was fun riding in the bow. Weeeee! Anyhow, Tyler and Hilary--a girl he works with--and Travis--her boyfriend--went waterskiing today. I think they were all three OUT OF THEIR MINDS because even though it was sunny today, the water's still COLD. Well, it was fun. :)

Dinner was really good. I got to crack Dungeness crab for the first time today--which we ate at dinner. I don't think I did a very good job of it, but it was fun. :) During dinner, Tyler and I watched this movie called Ruben & Ed. Wow...such a strange, bizarre and fun movie. :) Involving a frozen dead cat who ends up waterskiing. Okay, so you've got to watch it to understand. ("I am the king of the Echo People!")

If there was something I missed...well, I can't remember because I'm tired now. Plus, I can't pay attention to the conversation with Kat and Princess when I'm blogging. So I'm getting off. Going to bed soon-ish.

Ketchikan, Day 2

Again, I feel like I'm home. This is very strange in a good way. I like it. When I first go to visit people, it usually takes me awhile to find my niche and sort of fit in. Even when I know people before I visit, it still usually takes time to warm up. But here, with this family, I feel at home. (Should I be worried? :) )

Today, Kat had the day off, so we both slept in and stayed in our pjs half the day. I slept very well last night, a first in forever b/c it's actually a comfortable temperature up here. Anyhow, since we're both Angie fans, we watched Beyond Borders during the middle of the day. It was a very moving film. I teared up several times and was moved again to reaching people's practical needs and not only spiritual needs. When I think of reaching people, I think of it holistically. Jesus met not only spiritual needs, but physical and mental needs as well. Missionary doctors++ Aid relief workers++ Teachers++ Well diggers++

Later in the day, after Tyler got off work, he, Kat and I headed down to Creek Street in Ketchikan—which was the den of iniquity from the town’s origins. Creek Street is mostly on pilings. Seriously, this place is totally cool. J Anyhow, we went to a store on Creek Street called Soho Coho. It’s run by local artists. I now have a purse that’s very Ketchikan-ese. One of the features of the store—besides the purses—is the tee shirts with art and slogans that are very Alaskan. One of the phrases that best describes the area within which the store is found: Salmon and Men Go to Creek Street to Spawn. (Just think about it.)

Then we headed to Les’ office to drop by and talk. While there, one of his colleagues dropped in. He and Les and Tyler have gone hunting a lot, and they all have hunting names. Ty’s is the Rock—came from bluffing at poker. Anyhow, so we’re talking, and Les jokingly said, “Talking about buying rocks, this is Tyler’s girlfriend.” Made me laugh and blush like a fool. A happy fool. :) And he approved. All the approval! Couldn’t come on a more fitting day, I think.

Today marks six months that Tyler and I have been dating. It was a very good six months. It wasn’t without its rough spots—as we discussed at dinner—but it was very good. Just as this summer has had its challenging areas and has stretched me a lot, so has this relationship—in very good ways. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

To “celebrate,” Tyler and I went to a restaurant that he worked at during high school. There was a bit of a wait because of the restaurant’s popularity, but the food was amazing. I think my mouth is actually watering as I’m remembering it. Yay for leftovers for tomorrow! J After dinner, we drove north of town to “the end of the road.” Literally. Since Ketchikan is on an island, one can only drive so far north. So we did. Then we drove back to a view point, got out, and viewed. :)

Now, Kat and I are the only ones still up, and we’re watching XXX. Such a great film. Sometimes, you’re just in the mood for something that doesn’t require a lot of mental involvement.

A final note: heated seats++ Aunt Flo decided to visit RIGHT before Tyler and I went on our date, so on the drive afterwards, it was nice to settle back into the heat. :)

Ketchikan, Day 1

When I landed in Juneau this morning, I felt like I was coming home. The feeling only got stronger once I came in to Ketchikan. I don't--or maybe didn't--understand why. Before today, I'd never been north of the US--except for a brief stint into BC--so this homecoming sensation is fully 100% illogical. The other thing that seriously struck me today was how beautiful Alaska is. The weather has been coldish with heavy fog and cloudy skies. I think it's gorgeous. Natural beauty takes my breath away. I look at the forests here, the ocean, the ridges, the streams, and I think to myself that I'd be completely clueless if I saw all of this and didn't believe in God. I see this as only one more pointer to His glory. Wow! :)

Ty's mom met me at the airport--woohoo!--and when we got to the house, I met up with Kat--Ty's sister--and Princess--who's staying with them for the summer. Then Laura--Tyler's mom--started pointing out the features of the house, especially the kitchen--which was behind me. So I eventually looked--silly me, I was slow with very little sleep in me--and there was Tyler. I was literally stunned and so wasn't expecting to see him. I think I was shaking when we hugged.

Later, after we'd both napped--early mornings take it out of you!--Tyler drove me through Ketchikan, took me to where Kat works, and I met a whole slough of people. And just about every single one of them, upon finding out who I was, responded with comments like: "Oh he talks about you all the time!" or "Bethany? THE Bethany?" I have to say, I swelled with a little pride in my guy. I feel kind of foolish for going through all the ups and downs of trusting and believing earlier in the summer, especially in the face of all this outstanding evidence to the opposite. Oi.

We went to prayer this evening, and again, there was that feeling of being at home. I don't always feel that way in going to any church, so I was especially glad to be there. It was a powerful night. Especially at the beginning of the evening, I felt God's presence--like a tangible wind in my chest. Okay, that's a lousy explanation of the feeling, but it's as close as I'm able to get. Sometimes when I hear people say, "I can feel God's presence in this place," I get a little cynical and wonder what they're smoking. But tonight was simply incredible.

There was a "debriefing" about last week's prayer meeting, and one of the items mentioned--by Ty's dad--was how God has chosen each of us. When he was talking about it, he kept looking at me, and yeah, I took it to heart--kind of. Prayer started after the brief talk, and I started praying. I know that the Holy Spirit must have led me because each thing that I prayed about in the early part of the service--others went forward and prayed out loud about later on in the evening. Corporate prayer is a powerful thing.

It was later, when things had gotten quieter, Les--Tyler's dad--came over and handed me his notes about God choosing us. At the top, he had handwritten my name before the rest that said, "I [being God] chose you." He went on to talk with me about how the message was something for everyone, but specifically for me. Also, that God was breaking off parts of me, but He was simultaneously building me up, and that I have power as a believer. Everything from this summer, all the challenges and insecurities that I've dealt with, all of it seems to have culminated in this one night of prayer. I think I know now why I feel like I've come home.

One Day More

I suddenly feel like bursting into songs from "Les Mis." Curious. ;)

So I have one more day before I go up to Alaska. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! I can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate...it's killing me! Okay, so the heat is part of the problem. And speaking of the weather--bleh--I couldn't fall asleep until 3:30am or so and woke up before my alarm went off this morning. *whimper* I want to sleep. :( *begins to full on bawl*

*finishes tempestuous bout of tears*

In other news, I don't know how effective I'll be at work today. I think I'll be gazing off into space most of the time--both from anticipation of TOMORROW and from lack of sleep. Hopefully this lack of sleep will not be so great as to cause me to sleep through my alarm in the morning... :( Yikes, what a horrible thought. I forbid it. *makes sign agains the evil eye*


Today was another scorcher. To cope, we at the bookstore had a popsicle run mid-afternoon. It hit the spot...for awhile. During the midst of eating the carton of sugah free pops, Alex--the wonderbrat who I now must consider as a younger brother--made a joking fuss that as a guy he deserved to have more popsicles. Something about working harder. (Okay, so he was lugging big stuff around...) Anyhow, he deserved to be called a misogenist. So I complied. It was only my duty. :) Later in the day, several of us went outside and ran around in the sprinklers for awhile--including my manager. :) It was a good way to cope. :)

Now I'm going to do some laundry, start packing, and hope that my bag doesn't exceed 50 lbs. Since I'm not packing my study Bible and only a compact, that should take out an immediate 15 lbs, so I should be good! :) I get to leave school at 3:45am tomorrow. Bleh. That I'm not looking forward to. But I AM looking forward to seeing Tyler tomorrow!!!! :D :D :D :D My excitement can barely be contained. :)

TTF

Sundays are made for reflection

I've moved locations several times today. After eating, I headed back down to the lounge on the ground floor to enjoy the coolness. I ended up napping for awhile and feel somewhat rejuvenated. I'm more alert now, and things seem so much better after a nap. Not that life was a mess before it, but now I'm feeling better. :)

Anyhow, I woke up around the time someone came down to cook in the kitchenette. Started listening to music and kept reading "Wild at Heart." Then the texting started up again. Woohoo! I can still be connected to people even when I'm not on my computer. And the world can continue to turn. Well, after a little bit, it started getting hotter in the lounge b/c of the cooking. So I decided to head off to find a new place of respite.

I headed upstairs to Perks lounge, but there were people there, and it was too warm. Not in the mood for either and preferring to be not in direct contact with people at the moment, I continued on outside. It was much cooler outside, but there is always the problem of sprinklers spontaneously bursting on around me and drenching me, my book, my cell phone, and my mp3 player. I'd dry out, but the last three would be more problematic. So I headed to the Aerie.

Perfect! It's a little warm in here, but I opened the mini-windows, propped open some doors, and it's actually quite good in here. Plus, there are internet kiosks so I can get online and write about my adventures with heat-coping. Also, I can listen to Michael Buble on the stereo in here. That style of music, the whole rat pack era, the lounge lizard, nightclub dandy music is so enjoyable. The smooth vocals, endearing lyrics. Sweep me off my feet, Mikey baby! Seriously, having a guy sing something like this--be still my beating heart! Whoo! Is it getting hotter in here...? Nah, must be my imagination. ;)

Anyhow, I read Captivating this summer and thought it was phenomenal. It's such a blessing to read something that speaks so directly to me. It illuminated the desires of my heart that I couldn't put into words. When I read the book, I made sense. Wow. God definitely inspired those authors! I'm finding the same to be true of Wild at Heart. Yes, it's written more for men, but I like reading it because I can understand men better. Also, I hope to be able to treat them more according to who they truly are. I want to be able to help my brothers in Christ become the men that they are intended to be.

Another thing about this is that it helps complete the picture of humanity just as together, man and woman complete the picture of God. So powerful! :) The saddest thing about how American society has emasculated men is that we--as women--blame THEM for this problem. We claim that there aren't anymore men in the world. ("Where have all the heroes gone?") But we've cut them down--the men that we truly want and desire to make a life with. It's ashaming and appalling. A true tragedy. Just as women have been beaten down and abused and wounded, so have men! They're hurting too, and they aren't willing to put their hearts out to be hurt again since they've been repressed all their lives. Something has gone WAY wrong here.


[Unrelated topic:]
I think everyone should have seen me today. I am beautiful. Okay, that's pretty vain, and yes, I think this song is about me. But seriously, I feel gorgeous. But not just physically pretty, in a shallow, skin deep sort of way. I feel beautiful today because I can rest in right relationships. I feel content and confident. (Sundays are made for making relationship right, whether it's with God, people, or both. In my case, it's been both.) I didn't start out the day beautiful, even though I look no different now than I did when I headed out the door to church. On the other hand, I was restless, angry, frustrated, and hurt. I didn't want to deal with my emotions and stuffed them--my age old habit of just ignoring the bad and putting on a good face.

I came into church late and managed to get in without really talking to people. I was still inwardly nursing my "pain" and glad to avoid the personal contact. (People can read me, right?) Anyhow, once we got into the sermon, I felt peace for the first time all morning. It was a good word, a convicting word, and I managed to take some of it with me. I also managed to sneak out without talking to too many other people. Yes, sometimes going to a smaller church hinders my desire for anonymity. I think that's a good thing.

I got back to my room and started talking with my boyfriend almost immediately online. Things finally got out in the open. We'd "dealt" with this one issue all of last week and part of the weekend, but it was only worked with enough on both parts to scab things over for awhile. I think, and hope and pray, that it's finally been worked out. I'm tired of dealing with this one issue, and I'm sure Tyler is as well. (Thank you, God, for letting it be over! Please let it stay that way!) I am so blessed to be in a relationship with him. His patience in putting up with my emotional baggage and other drawbacks speaks volumes to me. It's been really hard to handle this relationship long-distance. It will be so good--in so many ways--to see him on Tuesday. However, I'm so very thankful that we've had this summer to be able to work with a long-distance relationship. It's training for when he takes his semester abroad. *deep breath* God alone will be able to help us get through that. Oh goodness, that's way in the future...ne need to stress about it now. :P

And wow, this blog is the blog that just keeps on going. (It's like the gift that keeps on giving.) But it's going to go now and be gone. ;)

temperature update

Ah, the loaded subject line.

Physically, it's torrid outside. Downright unbearable, miserable, halfway humid mugginess that is bent on my destroyment. Or, destruction, if you prefer. I'm currently eating a salad from Wendy's soon to be followed by a mini frosty. I tell ya what, salad is quite refreshing on hot days. Of course, seeing that this is the first time that food and/or drink has touched my lips all day, I think anything would be refreshing at this time. (Oh look, a word with multiple uses!)

Two things: one, I still love opera music. (and cello...cellos are superb.) I picked up a new opera cd in Borders in Seattle yesterday, by a group called Amici [Forever]. Group from the UK--where people still want to listen to actual music. ;) It's pretty good. I wish that I had those types of vocal chords and training. To be able to sing like that, all the control and...wow. It's impressive.

Two, well, I forgot what two was. My brain is fried from the heat, and my eyelids are heavy from both lack of sleep and crying today. The tears that are my constant companion. Dear Lord, will they ever leave? Will I always be an emotional wreck?! I hope that with age, I'll mellow. Like cheese or wine. Wait a second, don't cheese and wine get stronger with age? Well, I'll take strength too. That could come in handy! Very handy indeed. Strength and wisdom. Heck, I'd take age right now just to have them. (And there are the rash words of youth popping out. Ah yes, if I were old and wise, I wouldn't have said them.)

Okay, this is all rambly and I think I need to go. My salad and my frosty await. And the heat will try to kill me yet.

unpleasant question of the day

Ever have events or people or thoughts that turn your stomach upside down to the point of feeling nauseous? Practically dry heaves over a horrible thing? Yeah. It sucks, don't it? And it's not exactly the kind of things I want to be thinking about on a Sunday morning before church, or ever, really.

weekend update

I've had a very good weekend. Okay, there were a few hiccups, but those have passed. Communication and prayer do wonders for fixing things. Understanding helps as well, but I have a feeling full comprehension won't happen for a little while longer. Eh, things will make sense one day.

Last night, I saw Bye Bye Birdie for the first time. I absolutely loved it. And I could relate with so much of the storyline it wasn't even funny. Especially going hand in hand with the "hiccups," I was thinking to myself, "I'm right there with you, sister!" Such an enjoyable show. Great music, hilarious storyline, sweet ending. *sigh* Romance...*spontaneous, uncontrollable gagging* I have a feeling that my propensity for all things emotional sicken many people around me. Sometimes it gets a little too much for me as well... Although, I will say this about "romance": I'm rather sick and tired of seeing teenagers walking around with tongues down their SO's throats. Seriously, WHO WANTS TO SEE THAT?! It's disgusting. Get a room! Or better yet: get a spouse and do that in the privacy of your own home!!!! *vomit*

Anyhow, today in Seattle was a lot of fun. I shopped so much, and I ate so much. Goodness. For someone who's hardly eaten all week, I actually ate three whole meals today. That was a lot of food. Although, now that I'm full, I won't be sidetracked by a half-growling stomach and might be able to sleep tonight. *crosses fingers* Yes, I took Eli to Pan Africa in Seattle for lunch. Divine food, as usual. Bad location. Okay, so the location's goodness is subjective. If you've been there, you know what I mean.

We also scored some great peaches in Pike's Place and some French pastries along the main street through the Market. Ah yes, we were full of food. And then the shopping came. Lots and lots of shopping. Lots of money that should have been spent elsewhere. At least I managed to reign in my urges to buy everything I saw. For instance, there was this really cute swimsuit I tried on at Macy's, but since it was not really a bathing suit and more like a lounging suit, I thought: why spend that kind of money on something I can't even use? Plus, with the cute little cutout on the side, it would give me the weirdest tan lines...and I have problems with those already. :P

We ended the day at Seattle Center where the Bite of Seattle is happening. I haven't seen that many people in a good long time. It was a blast. Lots of people, lots of policemen, lots of food--yes, MORE food--and lots of crazy music. I ate sushi for dinner and had these lovely donut things for dessert. In between dinner and dessert, Eli and I walked down in the fountain and cooled off our feet. We'd originally planned on changing into our swimsuits and running around in the fountain, but there were so many people that it would've been way too much of a hassle to go and come back and change, and blah blah blah. So we forewent that idea.

Then we walked back to downtown, waited for the bus, and came back to NU around 9:45pm. We then finished watching Pride & Prejudice--the newer version--that we'd started last night. I have to say this: for a shorter version that left A LOT out from the book, it really was good. Still not a huge fan of Keira Knightley, but overall, it was a good movie. And Judi Dench was sadly disappointing in her role. She was more fearsome as Lady Blacknell in The Importance of Being Earnest. Anyhow, came to the conclusion that I am somewhat like Lizzie and Ty is somewhat like Darcy. Ha ha! I have a Mr. Darcy! All the romantics in the world are now permitted to envy me. ;)

weather

Oyez! Oyez!



Temperatures are supposed to reach 96F this Saturday in the Seattle area. Tips to make it through the weekend:

1) Make friends with the ice cream truck driver.
2) Take a swim with the polar bears at the Woodland Park Zoo
3) Fly to Alaska
4) Go to the nearest grocery store and take up residence in the freezer section
5) Buy an ice sculpture and sleep on it


If you are an old person, YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE. (gotta use some Dave Barry-esque humor)

Ta!

just call me an insomniac

Because, really, this ENTIRE week could have defined me as such. I have had a REALLY hard time getting to sleep this week. I don't know why. I can make some guesses, and they're probably close to right on, but it's just crazy. Last night, I was in bed, well, I already talked about that in my previous blog. No need to rehash sleeping habits. Except I want to add to tonight's habit, or lack thereof.

So I wasn't tired for a long time. Then, around midnight, I decided to hit the hay. So I washed my face and clambered into bed. It was hot, however, even with the fan on and the sheets off, and I couldn't stop thinking about how this weekend is going to be broiling and I'll be walking around downtown Seattle in that weather. That made me think about what I'll wear Saturday--jean skirt or capris?--and then that made me think of how if I wore either of those, I'd need to shave my legs--at least to the tops of my knees. So then I started hyperfocusing on my unshaven stems and couldn't shake it.

Ergo, it was off to the bathroom with razor and shave gel at, oh, 1am. Shaving in the sink while listening to random songs on my zen micro--mostly Michelle Branch, it seemed--and thinking. Ah, the thinking that prevents sleep and laughs at my torment. Stupid brain. Who needs one, anyhow?!

Two half-shaved legs later, I returned to my bed and collapsed on it, ready for sleep. Nada. Oh no. My mind decided to hyperfocus on my rough heels. So the light came on again, I slathered on lavendar scented, shea butter enriched, body cream, put on ankle socks, and turned off the light again. Did I sleep? Obviously no, because if I had, why would I be writing a blog at nearly 2am? Answer me that! :P

Nope, instead of sleep claiming me--oh conquer my mind, please!--I instead began to mentally sing the soundtrack to the Footloose musical. It came in the mail today--ordered it from Amazon--and I was listening to it all day long. Oy vey. Not a wise choice on my part by any stretch of the imagination. I now have about three songs dancing around in my head. (oh hahahaha, when I don't sleep the puns come out all over the place) They would be: The Girl Gets Around, Let's Hear it For the Boy, and of course, the title song. Or should I say the Title Song, accompanied by mental images of Kevin Bacon dancing...? *shrug*

So instead of sleeping, I decide to share with the world my frustrations with not being able to sleep. hm. I think part of the reason that I can't sleep is that I'm going to be in Alaska in...oh my gosh, FOUR DAYS!!!!! :D That excitement is preventing sleep. I have a lot of things to get done in the next few days, and I think that's just adding up and I can't shut my brain down at night. Yoiks. Also, I haven't been eating much this week and I'm kind of hungry, but let's face it, eating at nearly 2am probably isn't too healthy. Again, I'm too excited to eat or something. Or maybe I'm thinking I'll drop 20 pounds in the next three days and be a svelte beauty when I go up to visit the eskimos. ;) Hahaha...okay, I don't even want to do that. Bleh. I like the way I look, cellulite, stretch marks and all. (I'm sticking it to Hollywood and their bogus media images of women.)

Anyhow, I'm much looking forward to this weekend and then for Tuesday when I fly up to AK. Yippy skippy! And now, I shall attack my bed again and see if sleep comes. (please, God?!)

hecka hot

It's hecka hot in the bookstore right now, I have nothing assigned to me to do, and I am so drained. No energy whatsoever. And that's pretty crazy b/c I went to bed at 10pm last night. Okay, I got in bed at 10, but I couldn't fall sleep until midnight or so. Augh. Stupid noisy people outside the lobby, lousy room temperature, general malaise. Harumph. I grouse.

In other news, I'm going up to Alaska in four and a half days. I'm so excited!!! I've been looking forward to this trip all summer, and now that it's finally here, I'm going nuts. So close! Yippee!!!

This weekend, I'm spending the night at a friend's house then she and I are going into Seattle. That's right, this'll be my third trip into Seattle in one month. A record, a happy good record. Makes me smile. :) I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm thinking the weather this weekend is supposed to be intolerable. Ah well, life isn't perfect.


Totally separate topic:

Tuesday night, I babysat for the first time since, well, junior high. Dang, it's been a long time. Three, almost four, month old baby boy. He was downright precious, BUT he and I didn't exactly see eye to eye. Upon realizing that I was not his mother and that both his parents had vacated the building, he put it on his heart to cry his little eyes and lungs out. After half an hour of on and off squealing, he cried himself to sleep and we ended up lying down on the couch. He was so warm...guh. Melted, I did. I would have put him in his crib, but when I started to move, he almost woke up. I resigned myself to melting. However, since I recently got unlimited texting, I was able to keep somewhat from going crazy.

He woke up two hours later and "came to" slowly. He realized--again--that I was not his mother and launched into a new bout of tears. To this, I responded by giving him his prefab bottle of formula, which he took willingly. He pulled back occasionally for a breath and a fresh cry, and took his time in burping afterward. Embarrassingly, his mother decided to call and check up while he was crying. *BLUSH* Awkward turtle...

Ah well, he quieted down after the phone call and fell asleep again before they came home, so I didn't look like a completely incompetent fool. *whew* However, he woke up again as I was passing him over to his mom and started crying again. Then he realized it was his mom and actually took his pacifier from her--wouldn't deign to take it from me--and quieted down again. At least I'm used to babies screaming on first time babysitting jobs. Separation anxiety and whatnot. All this to say, I am definitely taking my time in having children. If God chooses not to bless me with them, I'd be okay with that. (At least at this point...maybe if I was married and head over heels for my hubbie, I might be singing a different tune.)

Good news about babysitting: it pays more than it used to. ;) A lot more.

zen

Okay, so the proper definition of zen and what the term has come to be associated with in American society are two different things. For the purposes of this blog, I'm using the American version that is basically that of peace coming with balance. That's something that I've been learning all summer. I don't think I'm pretentious enough to say, "This is the one thing that God's been teaching me all summer" because I'm sure He's been pointing out other things throughout the past few months. However, this is at the top of the list.

I hadn't really thought of balance in my life, never took the time to really apply or even to realize that I needed to be more balanced. I tend to be an extremist, black or white, this or that, one or the other, and it is difficult for me to be able to find balance between the extremes. This isn't to say that I'm now advocating grey areas, although they do exist in some things. What I am saying is that in order to prevent chaos from reigning and from letting my over-the-top emotions get the best of me, I have needed to learn balance. Granted, I am nowhere near being balanced, but I'm learning, albeit slowly, how to be more so and less "out there."

I'm learning--heavy emphasis on "learning"--to take things more slowly and to be aware of my self. I'm learning more of how to deal with me and my actions and words towards others. I'm also realizing how selfish I really am--embarrassment to admit out loud--and how my short-term selfish plans are very debilitating to the long-term selfless plans that God intends.

It has been somewhat frustrating because I feel like I keep running into a brick wall when I try to do these things--balance, selflessness, holding my tongue and behavior. I run headlong into the wall, stumble back halfway coherent, come to, realize that I was trying to do it all in my strength, and shake my head at my own repetitive foolishness. When will I ever learn that I can't do it on my own? It's then that I drop to my knees--figuratively and/or literally--get my heart right with God, then follow His lead.

And no, it's not always a comfy, warm bunny slipper experience. A lot of the time, it sucks to follow Him because He keeps remolding me into more of who I am meant to be. This is so contrary to my fallen human nature that I fight him tooth and nail a lot of the time. I don't blatantly come out and defy Him to His face. [Well, if I were face to face with the Lord Almighty, I have SEVERE doubts that I would have the gall to defy Him. Yeah, wouldn't happen. (Again, figuratively.)] Instead, I tend to "forget" that God is there all along and try to do things on my own, taking my insignificant human tools to deal with life, and only when I realize my capacity for incompetence do I run back to the Father and ask Him to help.

Another thing I'm learning this summer is the power of prayer. In my opinion, it is the greatest tool that God has given His people. We have the means of communicating with an almighty, supernatural God who's got everything under control. I think we often underestimate the power of prayer. I underestimate, or I doubt the power of my prayers. Often, I feel marginalized by the pentecostal crowd--even though that is the denomination with which I affiliate--because I do not speak in tongues; but overall, I know that prayer works. I am alive and well because of prayer. I can and will testify to that. And I will testify to God's greatness because of all that He has done for me, and for all that He has done for my family, and for many many multitudes of people. Why don't we wake up and realize how amazing He truly is? He astounds me.

Okay, I tend to rabbit trail when I get on the topic of God. Yet another thing that I'm learning this summer. I'm learning to love God--not as a semi-faceless entity, but as a personal Friend, Savior, Father, Lover. And when I get started talking about Him, I have a hard time stopping. Praise the Lord for opening my eyes! I pray that your eyes will be opened as well to see God for who He truly is: a perfect, just, and holy God.

mood swings

Today is a strange day. I woke up to my parents phoning and telling me to be ready to go with them to Seatac so that I could drive the car back. (They're going to southern California to go to my cousin's wedding. *envy*) This way, I'll have a car to drive to the airport when I fly out to Alaska next week, and they'll have the car close by when they come back.

Very soon after I woke up I received a text message from Tyler telling me that one of their cats died. That put me in a sad mood, and I feel frustrated not being able to extend comfort. Part of me wishes that I was up in AK now, but I wouldn't be able to do more if I were. Soon enough. And really, it's egotistical of me to think that I have comforting powers. Prayer is truly the best tool at our disposal.

All this to say that my mood has been up and down all day. I start thinking happy thoughts--the sun is shining, the weather is nice, the radio is playing good songs for once--then I think again about Ty and his family and what they're going through today, and I feel sad again. But then the thought occurred to me that if I were to empathize with everyone that had something sad happen to them, I would have serious depression. Again, the word of the summer is: balance. Lots of balance. It's still very important to empathize with people who are going through rough times, and I fully intend on continuing b/c--even though I never "met" Max (the cat)--I still feel like I did know him b/c of the stories Tyler and his family told me. As weird as it might sound, I'm going to miss him.

Eureka!

I have discovered the cure for stress-induced insomnia. After prayer--which is a GREAT tool at our disposal--the next best thing is 35 minutes on an elliptical machine, totaling in 3, 741 strides and 267 calories burned. At least the machine said that's what I did. (And how the flip did I remember those numbers?!) I know I spent 35 minutes forcing myself to keep exercising. But now I'm dead tired and am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. They must be swelling shut b/c of excess blood pumpage. Also, I have a feeling that I'll be getting up in a few hours to go to the bathroom b/c now that I've drunk an entire bottle of water, well, unless I sweat that much out while exercising--entirely possible--that extra fluid will need to go somewhere. I know, "TMI!" you're shrieking. Well, my brain worketh no longer and the endorphines are clouding my judgment. Deal with it. And goodnight.

And thank you, God, for helping me to deal with anxiety attacks.

appreciation

I had a random thought just as I was getting into my pjs and prepping for bed. (Oh glorious mattress, how much I love you!) The thought was about people at my church, and how grateful they are for what I do there. I don't think I really do all that much, and that which I do, well, there's nothing phenomenal about it.

Same thing goes for work. All this praise seems to be coming out of nowhere, and it's unnerving to me. Half of me thinks there's some kind of mind game being played--ah yes, paranoia strikes again--whereas the other half of me thinks it isn't genuine. At the same time, I know that all of these people involved are genuine people and wouldn't say something if they didn't mean it. So my mind gets to grapple with this for awhile.

In the meantime, I am presented with the idea that maybe the rest of the world is this demonstrative with their thanks and that I haven't actually been living in the real world for my entire life. All of this is too much for my brain to consider at the moment, so I needed to do some mental purging in order to allow sleep to come. Thank you for "listening."

Interjections: show excitement, or emotion!

Cheers to Grammar Rock...

In other news: I wish that I was not a girl. It does not suit me to wake up in the morning ready to slaughter the next thing that moves. Nope, not one bit. Granted, part of that comes from the headache I woke up with. But the other part, evidenced by the recent desire for chocolate and the sad state of my facial complexion, well...screw hormones. Honestly, I'd rather have a hysterectomy now than to deal with all this crap every month. There's enough children in the world as is, no need for my uterus to be employed. I'll just adopt.

The Way I See It...

The way I see it:

...if Starbucks were any kind of business, they'd give college students discounts.

...Lord Byron had his head on straight when he said, "All men are intrinsical rascals, and I am only sorry that not being a dog I can't bite them." :)

...Einstein truly was brilliant when he said, "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Ouch...

..."the battle of the sexes is a lost cause. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." If only my "enemy" were nearby so that we could fraternize. ;) (Soon, very soon!)


Anyhow, all these thoughts--except the Starbucks one--came from a card catalogue that I was flipping through this morning at work. Yes, that was actual work that I was performing. Here's the best picture/quote pairing from the catalogue.


If you can't read the quote to this picture, it's by Jane Austen and reads: "What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance."

quelle tristesse

I realized today, once again, why I despise being a missionary kid. Pippa left this afternoon, and the bus came so soon after we got to the stop that we didn't really have time to say goodbye, except for me to ask if she needed help getting her suitcase on the bus. I didn't even get to give her a hug. Going back to work, I had to fight the tears, and I realized that, yes, it sucks to be an mk. Pip is a friend I lived with for nearly an entire school year, and we were good friends in ninth and tenth grades. She moved back to the UK after that, and I didn't see her for two years. I saw her some at grad, then I didn't see her for three years until this visit. I don't know when I'll see her again.

Also, I don't like being teased as much as I am. I know it's only playful joking, and most of the time I'm perfectly fine with it. But when someone says something that's not even in the realm of "okay" in joking, I take some kind of offense. Just because it's totally bizarre. Oh, and another negative thing, one of my coworkers told me that another of my coworkers flirts with me all the time. AM I THAT BLIND?! Why don't I know these bloody things?! I'd rather go back to Africa...

More along these pessimistic lines: it hit me today that I'm not going to have a home soon. This dawned on me anew when--in light of sucky circumstances--I felt the urge to go home to get away from it for awhile. I realized that once my parents go back to Africa, I won't have a home. I'll have a dormitory, and until I have a place of my own, I will be homeless. Lots of people have offered to "keep the light on" should I need to get away for a weekend or a holiday, but it won't be home. I'll feel like a guest unless I'm actually living there. And I don't want to be rootless again. Just when I start sending down roots and feeling comfortable, I get tugged out again and set aside for further replanting. In fact, I'm probably never going to have a home, as I'll be a missionary one of these days. There will be no permanence in this manner. Good thing I have a permanent God, or I'd never make it.

Seattle

Pippa and I went to downtown Seattle today, and we had a blast. Because there were just the two of us, we got to do a lot of stuff and just enjoy Seattle. We did the tourist thing, but we got to enjoy the fun not as touristy bits as well. We walked a lot, even though the bus is free in downtown. I think we got to see more of Seattle that way and enjoy it as well.

We started off in Pike's Place Market and Pippa really liked that. It reminded her of the markets in England and both of us are very fond of the artisan-type shops there. We bought some hairclips outside of the market itself, and we also purchased coffee at the ORIGINAL Starbucks. Sweet deal. That's bragging rights, I tell ya. ;)

We wandered through the market, then stumbled upon a tea shop run by a Chinese couple by the names of Vin and Winny Huang. They gave out a lot of free samples and talked about the different properties of each tea. I didn't realize there were so many different ways to make tea. It was great. They were a lot of fun to talk with, and it was good to hear some of their experiences and where they came from. We bought tea, and Pippa bought some of the specialized cups, pots, and strainers that are used to produce tea as they showed us. I plan on going back--every weekend, if need be--just to keep them in business because they're awesome. The name of the store is Vital T Leaf and it's at the far south end of the market.

We looped back into the market through the back alleyway, so Pippa got to see the gum wall. :) Then we wandered back upstairs and out to Pan Africa for lunch. I love that place. Great food, lousy location--kitty corner to an adult theatre. Yoiks. Awkward flashing billboards. After lunch, we were going to try a henna place, but the store was closed, so we decided to head towards Pioneer Square and the Amtrak Station so Pippa could buy her tickets for tomorrow and the next day. On the way, we passed a guy who supposedly worked for wildlife recovery something or other. He had two ferrets, so we got to hold them, and we gave him some change--even though he was probably a fraud.

Also on the way to Pioneer Square, we passed the Bread of Life Mission and I decided that it would be a good idea to stop in. So we did, and I asked them what they were about and what sort of program they had. It was a rehabilitation center to help the homeless get back on their feet, as well as to help alcoholics or drug addicts. It sounded very good, and, as the man at the reception desk put it, they can only help people who want to change. I thought it was a great philosophy to have for something like that, and a good philosophy for Christians in general. As much as I want someone to see things the way I do, I know that unless he/she is willing to see it, most of my efforts go unrecognized. It was interesting.

Anyhow, got the tickets, tried to take the waterfront trolley only to find it was closed--we later tried to take the Monorail but it's also closed for awhile. Ended up at the opposite end of Seattle at the Space Needle and Seattle Center. Walked around there for awhile, took in the fountain w/ synchronized music, climbed on a sculpture we probably weren't supposed to clamber on, and ended up walked back to the waterfront--via Belltown--and ended up at Ivar's for dinner. As usual, feeding the seagulls was fun. And, since we were close to the ferry terminal, I thought we might be able to find bus schedules--which would've been really handy earlier in the day.

The notion proved true, and after relieving our bladders in the public restroom--there are quite a few good ones scattered throughout Seattle--we found a whole slough of bus schedules and routes. This enabled us to find a bus to take us across the Aurora Avenue bridge. So we got to see the Fremont troll. YES! First time to see it for both of us. And we got pictures as well. I'll have to cop them from Pippa so that I can post them.

Then we headed back to downtown, stopped in at a Starbucks--we counted about twenty throughout the day in downtown--and while there, I purchased Matisyahu's new album. The dude's got talent, man. If you haven't heard him yet, DO SO! That's an order. And then we waited in the cold for the bus and came back to NU. All in all, it was a phenomenal day, and I'm really glad I had an old friend with a similar background to me to enjoy it. We chatted in French part of the time and reminisced about RVA and Africa and Europe and the way things are outside of America. It was just really good overall. Oh, and Pippa wants to move here. Maybe. :) I think it'd be grand if she did.

She's leaving tomorrow, and it's really sad. I know that I'll see her again, maybe even at Christmastime when I go home to Africa. She'll be living in Germany by then for her year abroad, but I could probably swing through on the way back. I'd love that, and I think she'd like it too.

los pinguinos!

Going to see March of the Penguins was more of an adventure than I was anticipating. First of all, the flyer said that it would start at 7pm. In small print, it added "or at dusk." Well, obviously, as it's summertime, dusk doesn't start until about 9:30pm. So once we got to the park, we got to sit outside and chat and tell stories and practice salsa dancing and swing dancing for awhile. Also, we grabbed some Subway at the park entrance.

BEFORE we got to the park, we did have to drive there, and that in itself was a unique experience. The vehicle we rode in was a covered pickup, but it wasn't a double cab pickup and as we four ladies are all grown women, we couldn't fit four in the cab. So Pippa and I decided to ride in the back. After all, we're MKs from Africa and riding in the backs of pickups--no matter how illegal it might be--is second nature to us. So we clambered into the back and proceeded to ride upright in the back. Then we thought better of it and decided to lie down. We had two reasons for this: 1) cops might see us and give the driver a ticket and 2) it was safer to lie down because we didn't jostle around as much. However, since our driver was handing the pickup more like a compact, it made the drive very exciting.

The movie itself was fun. It was very interesting to learn more about the habits of the emperor penguin, but the format of the film was very different. It was essential a documentary/nature film, but it was edited in a way that made it tell more like a typical movie. The penguins were super anthropomorphized, and they made the mating ritual seem almost like soft porn...odd. very odd. And I thought that I saw a lightning bug, and I was SO excited to see it. but then I realized that we were watching a film on a giant outdoor screen via a projector...and any bug that flies through the light will look like a firefly. So I was disappointed. And cold. But it was a very fun evening.

Tomorrow, Pippa and I are hitting up downtown Seattle to see the sights. I'm going to do my darndest to find the Fremont troll. I've never seen it myself, and this gives me the perfect opportunity to go to it. I just hope that it's not really out of the way. I don't want to take too much away from everything there is to do downtown! :)

a few thoughts for Tuesday, July 11, 2006

If my managers had their way, I'd be married by now. Their reasoning? "So that we can talk married stuff with you." Makes me laugh. :) They'll just have to be patient, because I'm in no rush.

Tomorrow, I'm taking off work to hang out in downtown Seattle with my friend from the UK. I'm really looking forward to it. :) And tonight, we're planning to go see a free outdoor showing of March of the Penguins with some of the girls from my floor. It's going to be a lot of fun as well.

oh the greatness!

Do you ever have these finds in life that are little treasures? Things that bring great joy, despite their bizarre nature? I found one of these little gems this weekend while home. I went to this consignment store in PO this weekend, between church and world cup final, and was just browsing. Those types of stores have the most random and incredibly cool things in them. Yes, you have to weed through a bunch of junk, but "one man's garbage is another man's potpourri!" (*bark!* "I dunno, it's some kind of soup.")

While looking through these random collections of items, I stumbled upon this jacket. It wasn't anything too remarkable. Army green, tough canvas-like material, the sort of jacket that looked like it belonged on a WWII paratrooper. I thought to myself, "That's a wicked tight looking jacket." So I decided to try it on. And whaddya know? It fit! So I asked my sister what she thought--there were no mirrors handy for my own opinion to come into the picture--and she thought it looked cute. Well, then and there I decided to purchase it. Vintage type jacket, warm enough to wear in cold weather, and it was the type of coat that I would be comfortable wearing.

I was quite stoked about my new clothing item. However, in the next day and a half of owning it, I have discovered even more incredible things about this jacket. There is a quilted removable liner, so it makes the coat more versatile. I can adjust the cuffs of the sleeves to make them wider or smaller. There is an empty tin of chewing tobacco in one pocket, and what looks like a whale tooth in another pocket. There are zippers and snaps and velcros and pull strings all over it--enough to keep my little ADD mind occupied for many an hour. AND there's a hood that zips in and out of the collar. All in all, I'm thrilled with this coat. Brilliant!

Anyhow, I have one of my old roommates from high school visiting from the UK. She's visiting a lot of the people in our graduating class all across the US, and she came to Seattle just to see me! I'm thrilled and a half. It's been a lot of fun talking and hanging out with her. It's funny because at first I was thinking that it might be sort of awkward to hang out since we haven't seen each other in three years and only kept up pretty minimal contact. But it's been so much fun. Talking and remembering and catching up. Really, it's been a blast!

And now I'm really tired. My ears are doing weird pressure things on me--a sure sign that I'm exhausted--so I'm going to go to bed.

Ta!

I can survive without caffeine...so far

I am still awake, and doing well.

Just a random note that crossed my mind: it is the absolute funniest thing when people ask me if Tyler and I have kissed yet. (Really, it's none of their business...) When I tell them that we haven't and that the only way we'd kiss is if we married, jaws tend to drop. But then the respect comes into the eyes, and I know--like I didn't know already--that we're going about this the right way. No need to include anymore relational regrets in one short life.

Another random thought, one about Captivating. In it, the authors mention how Adam's strength is corrupted--cuz we're all broken--and either becomes passive or overly exerts his strength. As sick as this might be, I'm tired of passive men and would rather they be abusive than not there at all. My wish is to be able to encourage my brothers in Christ to become strong--NOT abusive--and to grow a backbone. They are the leaders, that is the role that they are meant to fill. My question is: how do I do that...?

Third random thought: I have the song "I am the Messenjah" from POD's Satellite album stuck in my head. The case is probably thus because I feel like I am the little messenger girl, the errand runner, the go-between, the go-fer... *shows buckteeth* Eh...it's almost the weekend. 45 more minutes before I get off work and get to go home.

4 am

The birds will probably start chirping soon. And I shall wish I had something to throw at them...

Random facet of me: I am a silly, romantic girl. I still love my favorite childhood book, and it still makes me smile in happiness and hope at the ending. (This is the book that I chose to write my final TESL project around.) I know that the exact circumstances shall not occur to me, but maybe, just maybe, I can wish for a similar ending in my life...

And I still love my new lipgloss.

bow chicka bow bow

In case it wasn't apparent by the title, I'm in a mood. "What kind of mood?" you might ask. I'm in the mood to explain what kind of mood I am in. I'm in a very bizarre mood. For example, I'm listening to a Christmas mix of random songs by random performers. And yes, it is not even the middle of July. Does this make sense to anyone else...? Cuz I'm a bit clueless myself. A few things that are running through my head at this very moment:

1. I'm going home tomorrow. (SO EXCITED!) It feels like I haven't gone home in forever...plus, the fam's going to see POTC2 tomorrow. Woohoo!

2. I'm still dazzled by my new lipgloss--no pun intended. It's so sparkly and delicious. :)

3. On a similar note, I'm very much looking forward to going up to AK and dressing up for Tyler. I want to look pretty for him. :) (WHAT KIND OF A PERSON AM I BECOMING?!?!) I believe this is a good thing, but it's not very typical of me. At all.

4. I am bringing one of my two new summer dresses home this weekend and wearing it to church. I'm excited for both of them, but I want to wear this one sooner. It's also more of a "church" dress than the other one.

5. Whoa...I almost let five slip. Shh...this one's a secret. All I'm saying is my mom knows, but my dad doesn't. *crosses fingers*

6. I have one more project for TESL. Yes, it's still not done. Yes, I'm looking forward to an all-nighter. Yes, this is typical for me. Yes, I'll be done with all-nighters after tonight. A month and a half free of all-nighters...and hopefully by fall semester, my common sense will have kicked in and I shall be able to avoid them. Unlikely.

7. I want to go to Greece.

8. I am exhausted...and I hope that I don't fall asleep on the bus tomorrow.

9. Following that train of thought: I'm not sure what piece of luggage to drag home for the weekend. Which one would work the best...? One's a tad too small...the other's WAY too big. *ponders*

10. My nose itches, and I think I'm getting a cold.

11. Nourishment in this neighborhood is freakishly expensive. I'll be glad when the cafeteria opens up again and I won't have to buy food--just coffee.

summer happy

Today, I bought a new tube of lipgloss. Yes, I am hooked on chapstick, lipgloss, and lipstick in general. This stuff is simply gorgeous. It's a "natural" shade, which is something I value. I don't like looking made-up, especially during the summer when I get to let my hair down and enjoy the sun and such. It has these gold sparkles in it that make me look tanner than I am. I'm mightily digging the lipgloss.

And I climbed a tree today--the first of the summer. I think I shall return to it soon so as to make it a reading tree. It's quite perfect for that purpose.

another day

Just finished watching the Veggie Tales' Jonah movie. As always, it's hilarious. Favorite character is the Indian caterpillar. Gotta love a caterpillar who talks with a Delhi accent. :) Other favorite part of film: the "credits song."

Also: I am very bad at leaving voice messages. They just keep going and I never know when to stop. *shakes fist* Such a bad habit. Must learn proper American phone etiquette--if there is such a thing...

On a whim, I decided to do a google image source of anorexia. I do this occasionally to get a healthy perspective on weight issues. Anorexic is NOT what I want to become. I'm okay having "more to love" because even though it might not be healthy, it's better than starving myself. Anyhow, all this to say that I ran across a French webpage that discusses this issue. Below is the translation of one of the key paragraphs.

Because of media launching anorexia like a new product, more than half of the French are on, or will go on, a diet in order to be thinner. It's no longer a question of health, but a question of appearance. To tell the truth, the majority of women are not made like models. In fact, "less than 5%, that is to say five people out of one hundred, possess the body type that most models have." And even they have diets and exercise to maintain their silhouettes. There is no reason for women to starve themselves for society. Woman's body is very beautiful; we must appreciate it!

And this from the French! I'm stunned...but proud of them for saying something about it. Honestly, weight is such a ridiculous issue that's brought up all the time--I've mentioned it a few times myself in here--and I wish that people would come to some kind of agreement about it. (I'm preaching to myself here...)

Final note for the day: I have one more project left to complete for TESL. Hallelujah!!! It's about time. :) One more, and then, freedom!

fun day(s)

I spent most of my waking day with my roommate from this past year. It was such a blast. :) We went to see "The Devil Wears Prada" to start everything off. Heehee...such a good movie. I will admit, there was a big part of me that got sucked into the fashion mentality as a result, but by the end of the day, I managed to pull myself back out and be comfortable in my unrefined jeans and tee shirt. As nice as it would be to dress like a model every day, I have not the means nor the true interest to attempt pulling it off. I'm okay with that.

<>I can tell when I don't have enough human interaction when I start talking to myself. Not just things like, "Oh where'd I put that...?" when I've misplaced something or "Dang it!" when I've hurt myself; it's practically like full on conversations. Memo to me: hang out with people more... < / side note >

After the movie and much shopping at both Redmond Town Center and Bell Square, roomie and I hit up Red Robin's. It's the bestest. She and I go there to chill, eat good food, and harass the servers. (Hey, about half the staff comes from NU...) Anyhow, message on the bottom of the cube--and if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to RR--said, "This message is for everyone who never got a pony when they were kids. It's okay, ponies are very hard to take care of. And they aren't very appreciative." :)

Conversation last night was good. Lots of discussion about growth as individuals, as believers, and as friends. It was really good. It was especially good to get stuff out in the air. Frustrations and miscommunications that were either in our friendship or just in the general angst of our lives. Again, great convo.

Something that's been happening for me this summer is growth in relationship. All of my relationships are growing and deepening. It's taken a little while for things to jump off, but I feel closer to a lot of people--and especially closer to God. I'm getting to know friends better and church peeps and bookstore peeps and even family. All of my relationships are growing...well, except one. There's one relationship that's just kind of there, and it's mostly due to busyness. For that, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to force it. I'm going to let it be. I've never been the type of person to run and grab after things that aren't going to happen. I'm not becoming that kind of person now.

Anyhow, even though I started this blog yesterday (july 3rd), I'm finishing it today (july 4th). I spent most of the day in downtown, helping monitor the parade. It was fun to see the floats and to hear the music. (Yeah, Blue Thunder and bagpipers!!!) I will say this: I wish that the local swimwear store hadn't decided to man a float. Goodness...don't people have any shame? :P Really, I'd never feel comfortable enough to wear a bikini on a parade route and to have to continually pick a wedgie in front of hundreds of people. But I guess that floats some people's boats. Just not mine.

And on this happy day that celebrates our independence--allow me to ponder that for awhile--I am going to again, grow a relationship. Already grew one while volunteering downtown. :) I'm gonna go head up the hill and chill with a friend, talk about life, and maybe eat a Boca burger. Or I'll bring sandwich stuff. :) And we shall watch the fireworks from there.

thoughts about "the bad guys"

I relate to Jonah. When good stuff happens to "the bad guys," it kind of ticks me off. For instance, when good things start happening to my ex, it really rubs me the wrong way. In my worldly flesh, I keep thinking, "That jerk deserves every bad thing that's ever happened to him and more. He's not repented enough!" But if it was up to me, the poor guy would never repent "enough." For the world's sake, it's a good thing that I'm not God. He's actually forgiving and compassionate.

Speaking of "the bad guys," I also relate to Edmund in Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia. I can't relate to Lucy's pureness of heart, or Peter's bravery, or Susan's mothering. But I can relate to Edmund's peevishness and his attraction to Aslan's opposition. I've been there. I've been seduced by "the dark side," if I may be so cliche. For me, I know that if I hadn't, I wouldn't be as thankful for what the Lord has done if I hadn't gone astray. In my early days of walking with the Lord, I had barely endured the hardships of this world or experienced sin. (Not to say that I was sinless...not by any stretch of the imagination.) However, after having gone through so much more and to have returned to God afterward, it astounds me that He is still there. He has conquered death, and He has given me life. And I am so grateful!


3:02pm update:
Church was great. I had my fellow RA come with me, and she really enjoyed it. She's been to this church before, but not in awhile. It was good. I "observed" the elementary class, seeing if it was something that I would want to do, and I really would. I'm excited about it. :) I've been sort of kid crazy lately, and I think this will be a good way to get to play with kids as well as help their spiritual development.

I'm a little pink around the edges now. We had a bbq after church today. Good grub, great people, gorgeous weather. What more could a person ask for? Now I'm going to finish reading "Captivating." I look forward to it.


5:46pm update:
I think I've successfully given myself skin cancer. I decided to lie out in the sun in hopes of turning my reflective legs into something a little more natural in color, namely, brown. Because for an Irish/Scandinavian/German mix, there is nothing more natural than olive skin tones. Really. :) Sadly, I don't believe my legs actually received sunlight. Maybe parts did. I'll check on them later. But my arms are a more cohesive pink instead of having patches of sunburn alternating with white. It was so nice and warm out that I almost fell asleep...but that would've been BAD.

Also, I have finished reading Captivating. This is an incredible book. It has truly helped me, and I believe that God inspired the authors to write it. I'm also thankful for P Phil pointing me in the right direction when I mentioned to him that I'd been reading it. His advice: don't forego the Word in favor of this book, no matter how good it may be. THANK YOU! :)

Now, laundry.

get behind me, Satan!

Without fail, I will have insomnia on Saturday nights. It seriously has to be a spiritual attack. On more than one occasion have I not slept Saturday nights and then been "too tired" to go to church in the morning. I see how it is. Oh the enemy knows our weaknesses. Squash him like a cockroach.

I should pray about this more, ask God to protect my sleep. I think I'll go do that now and pray that restful sleep comes soon. I want to be able to enjoy church in the morning, and bring something worthwhile to the worship and the fellowship. God, help me to get the rest that I need in order to be so in the morning!

today's a new day

I know, that's kind of OBVIOUS, but creative blog titles escape me. So I put in whatever comes to mind. And it's true. There's really a lot more profundity in that statement than it seems right off the bat. It's a new chapter, a clean slate, a veritable mountain of cliches. Anyway, today is a new day.

And yea verily, it is a new chapter in my life. Don't know 'bout anyone else's, but it is the start of a new worldview. My paradigm has shifted. (Look! Another cliche!) Why is this? Well, I'm really not going to say! Hahaha...and yes, my evil/mischievous/heinous/[inserts another negative synonym] nature is still quite intact. Perhaps in a few days I'll discuss why. Perhaps. :)

So I went down to the waterfront with some friends today. I have wonderful friends. Really, really, really wonderful friends. (I love you guys!!!) Did a little walking, saw another friend in a beauty parlor--now I know where she works, I can return to torment her! :) --and stopped in at Kahili. My first time to be there, it's a pretty sweet place. The decor made me want to go back to Africa to chill at one of the "resorts" on the beach. :)

In fact, all this warm weather is making my heart think fondly of beaches and deserts and tropical rainforests. I want to wear long, flowing skirts and my Muslim veil again. I want to walk on white sand beaches and smell the outdoor markets. I want to be back home again. *reminds self: Christmas...it's soon enough!*