Ack!

I woke up this morning with a bad case of nerves. About seven hours from now, I have an interview at US Bank in downtown Kirkland. Of all the job hunting I did yesterday, this was my most solid lead. I also, technically, have an informational session that I should attend in downtown Seattle for an NPO that pays $20/hr for an entry level position and provides benefits for its full-time employees.

Silly me, I'm actually not going to that to make sure I can make it to the interview in Kirkland on time. The Seattle meeting is at 2pm, the interview in Kirkland, at 4pm. You might be wondering why I'm opting out of the one for the other. I'll tell you: if your mission statement is that you want to eradicate poverty overseas, then why the hell are you offering so much money to your employees?! We certainly don't need $20 an hour to live a decent life--give it to someone who lives on less than $1 a day.

Anyway, my nerves aren't so much because I have an interview today. I'm confident that I can present myself decently and be mostly affable. In fact, I'm really not all that worried about actually being offered the job. What I'm more worried about is being offered the job and then realizing in a few days that I'm not actually supposed to be there.

I know I'm overanalyzing, and overspiritualizing, and over--ing a lot of things, but I get weird about commitments. I'm usually shy of committing to something, but typically, once I've committed, I hate backing out, which is exactly how I would feel if I started a job and then realized shortly thereafter, that this job was not for me. Ick.

So while I was lying in bed this morning, trying to ignore the nerves so I could go back to sleep until my alarm went off, I felt all jumbled up and confused. Then I thought to myself that I wanted a tangible rock to cling to, a friend to hug me tight, to hold my hand and walk me through it, and I realized that I was ignoring my biggest Rock available. Yet my biggest frustration with the Rock of Ages is that although I know He's always with me, I can't exactly wrap my arms around Him and listen to His heartbeat and know that He is physically present with me. I know that He's with me, and He's probably shaking His head at my too little faith, maybe even sad that I don't feel His presence as tangibly as I could.

Enough thoughts for the morning! I need to get stuff accomplished, so peace to one and all, and please pray with me for this interview to go well.