weather change

As I trudged sleepily over to the caf this morning, I noticed that it was just a tad on the nippy side. On the way back to the dorm after grabbing food and coffee, my eyes were actually open enough for me to notice the remnants of frost on the grass.

Did you know that there was frost this morning? Frost. Frost! Frost. We hates frost, precious. It burns in its frigidity it does, yes preciousss. We hates it we does. We hates it because it means that winter is just around the corner, which means ice and snow and pneumonia and DEATH. It means death, people.

We hates it. Alternately, we loves warmth like Hawaii, Palau, and Fiji. So who wants to pay for a ticket to get cranky African somewhere warm where she will glow with happiness and a sexy tan?

How to make the world a more liveable place

I was talking with Maggie this evening in her room, completely discombobulated by the state of my mind which is highly restless and agitated, when it struck me that there is a very simple solution to the complexity of life:

Get rid of men.

And it's so easy. Really, all we have to do is throw some Hungry Man frozen dinners for bait on an empty tanker, then ship them (that would be "men") to Antarctica where they will explore their manliness by hunting penguins and seals. Really, it's a win-win situation. Women get the rest of the world, men get to hunt.

All of this followed my original thought of taking up residence in a convent--an idea which has crossed my mind on multiple occasions. Really, what could be better than spending your life simply, in study or in the garden, communing with God and with other brilliant women? (Oh yes, women in convents must be brilliant otherwise they would be incapable of remaining there and would crave the company of lesser creatures...like men.)

The thing is, guys mess with you. They come along, and they don't mean to do anything, but they cross your path and then BLAM! out of nowhere you're thrown into a seething maelstrom of insanity which you cannot escape but which you also NEVER ASKED FOR IN THE BLOODY FIRST PLACE!

And can you just be friends with these odd creatures? Hardly. Guys enjoy flirting, or more likely teasing, and it's all fun and games until girls start second guessing the friendship and get paranoid. Does he like me? Do I like him? BLAM!!! Maelstrom time again.

Seriously, if you are male and you are reading this, kindly rethink your life. And if you don't hunt on a semi-regular basis, you should probably look into it. I'm starting to set my traps...

funny quotes

[After saying I'd rather stay in my dorm so that I wouldn't have to lug my computer, calling it "a beast"]
"And you're the beauty!"

[Response to me pouting after someone reminding me that I wasn't writing inspired Scripture]
"The Canon is closed, Bethany."

[Addition to story about Christians trying to "one up" each other]
"Christianity is not a competitive sport, ladies and gentlemen."

[Talking about Grecian athletes]
"The Greeks were down with naked."