cute link!

The cutest cat pics are found here, I swear.

Kittenwar.com

WTF

I was thinking back on my past--high school and up--and realized that I've known a lot of bastard guys. (Excuse the profanity, but it's the only word that aptly describes the caliber of boys I've been unfortunate enough to know.) Honestly, I don't know what drew them to me or me to them. Maybe it was my naive "I trust everybody no matter what" mentality that sucked them towards me. Or maybe it was that they paid attention to me that attracted me to them. (BLECK) The fact is, I wish that I could look back on the past and not see their ugly mugs. Too bad they're still there. Fortunately, most of them have faded away w/ the passing of time or serious global moving. Hallelu.

In other news, I'm having the hardest time not exploding into expletives these days. I'm good, then something happens and I feel like the only way to accurately verbalize my emotions is to swear. I'm not usually like this. I can recall in my mind two times that I have vocally uttered expletives. (Usually, I just think them.) But the past few days, they've been right on the tip of my tongue and I've had to do some serious swallowing to keep them in.

The other thing about the BB (bastard boys) is that they've managed to fully corrupt my view of guys. Guys are fine as friends, mere acquaintances, but I have a very hard time letting them in to even a close friendship realm. From experience, guys lie. They say all these nice things, but do something entirely different. They break their word. They manipulate you. They use you for their own purposes, then, when it's convenient for them, they forget about you. They use and abuse and then move on.

I think the biggest thing that frustrates me about BB's is that when it's inconvenient to have "that girl" around, they seem to be able to break off everything without batting an eye. Like "Oh it's not a big deal that I totally broke her heart and twisted her opinions of every guy she's going to know from now on. I couldn't care less about her. She's just an object to be used and discarded when I feel like it. And I feel like it."

No wonder there is enmity between the sexes.

Granted, I'm saying this from a girl's perspective, and I'm sure guys would say the same about us. But seriously, what are we doing to each other and why can't we just stop?

simple pleasures

First of all, I'd just like to start off by saying that I got through the day without biting anyone's head off. Woot! In fact, after awhile, things got downright pleasant in the bookstore, which is odd to say because we were all running around like chickens with our heads cut off and we barely took lunch breaks. So. Anyhow, we're off to a pretty good start. We were way farther behind last year at this time, and the new system seems to be working swell. We're cool.

That counts as a simple pleasure, even though it is complex.

Others in the category:
finding the perfect shade of nail polish (oh, how femmy of me)
still loving the lipgloss purchased a month and a half ago
flirting with that special someone
seeing people you haven't seen ALL summer
the anticipation of classes
sleep (speaking of which, I need some)
fun songs
getting your stressed out manager to smile despite it all
hugs from anyone special
hugs that make someone feel special
old friends
new friends
life
bed

quick prayer

God, give me a servant's heart today, because the last thing I want to do today is work with people who are seemingly being purposefully ignorant and blind. I'd rather not be surrounded by so many people because it is really too stressful when I need to finish getting things done! (BTW, why'd you make me an introvert and open up this job for me...?)

Give me kindness and patience, LORD!!!!

Money Penny the Birthday Girl

I am shocked. Absolutely stunned. Someone gave me a $100 bill for my birthday, and yes, it is real. I have been instructed to spend it on something just for fun and not something "bill-ish," as it were. I'm just astounded.

I really have wonderful friends who have been very thoughtful, generous, and kind to me today. At work, we got name badges--first day today--and Cindie decided to label mine with a "birthday girl" addition as well as some curly ribbon and another mini sign that said "money and chocolate welcomed!" Seriously, every time someone came in the bookstore, Cindie or Evan or Ronda would tell them it was my birthday. It was embarrassing, but still a lot of fun. :)

Susie got me some stationery and girly tissues--they made me laugh--and her note was very sweet and almost made me cry. She gave it to me Sunday night, but I opened it today, because today is my birthday and Sunday wasn't. (Funny how that works...)

I got texted happy birthday wishes, and comments on myspace, and was sung to on several occasions in the bookstore--once with amazing harmony from several of the customers, one of whom is our current ASB prez. (Thanks, Jed!) And the money randomly came from Merlin--our school photographer--when he saw the label on my nametag. Wow...so funny! And it seriously shocked me! I was speechless afterward. Absolutely speechless.

Now I'm going to go up to a friend's and eat some good dinner and chill and hang out and laugh. Oh, and the other two b-day gifts I got today included a bunch of baloons (how'd you have the time to buy balloons when you were moving in to your apartment?!) and the news that we'd have someone auditioning for "Nina Variations"--a GUY, which is awesome at this school. (And, he'd be brilliant in the role!)

he he, whoops

Okay, last post mentioned Cursive Magazine, but I forgot to insert the link to said blog. My bad. That post has been rectified, but I shall again include the link for any interested.

SIDE NOTE: I currently smell like coffee. This happens to me every time I frequent Starbucks. I'm not sure if it is because of the coffee in the atmosphere of the establishment or if it is because it comes out my pores after drinking it. (It could very well be the latter as it is strong he-man coffee that produces chest hair for most of the individuals who partake of said beverage.)

mischief

I got myself into some mischief today, but I don't want to fully discuss it because should this blog fall into the wrong hands, I will find myself in trouble. I didn't break any laws or school policies today, so that's not the big deal. Anyhow, it's halfway hilarious and halfway "Oh crap, what have I done?" The snowball is rolling and unless something is done to rectify the situation, I'm afraid myself and possibly others might get buried in the avalanche.

Similar lines, but not quite the same, I am writing for two different papers. Sort of. I recently wrote an article for the school newspaper which, pending approval, might be published. I haven't heard back from the editor, so I have no clue. If, for some reason, the article is not approved, I shall fully swing to the opposite spectrum and be rightfully angry and bitter against the censorship on campus. (Hence the other paper.) The other paper is called Cursive Magazine and is located on myspace so as to prevent censorship. As yet, the internet equals freedom for many individuals--check out this blog--and as such has its benefits. The other article I'm in the midst of researching/writing is about Ramadan which will occur the end of September through the end of October. (More on this later.)

The thing is, with me writing for these two papers, I find myself somewhat between a rock and a hard place. The editors of these respective papers do not see eye to eye. In fact, the creator of Cursive used to be the Talon editor. There's a bit of bad blood now. The thing is, I have no problems with either of these editors and, as yet, do not see anything atrociously wrong with either of them. (Being friends with pseudo-enemies can be weird.) Am I juggling fire/knives/chainsaws/porcupines by doing this? It won't be long before both parties catch on that I'm writing for both, but I don't think that's really a bad thing. I see the validity in both papers and I think they are suited for two separate audiences.

Like the mischief situation, I'm going to hold onto my cards and see how best to play them.

sleepy now, but content

One of my best friends surprised me with a massage for my birthday--early present. :) It was the first time I've had a full body massage, and it was amazing. I was stunned by how incredible it felt. I was so relaxed afterward that I could've easily fallen asleep. I moved slowly too--which is uber weird for me. It's like all my energy was zapped from the massage. Hoo! I want another one. (I can see how people get addicted to pampering!)

Afterward, I went with Eli--the same friend--to her house and we started to watch the "Bring It On" trilogy. Oh yes, there is a trilogy of cheerleading movies and they are really not half bad. Not exactly cerebral or mind-engaging, but I was too sleepy after my massage to try to engage my mind in anything anyway. For dinner, we ate this great soup made with white beans, cilantro, crushed pepper and shredded pork in a chicken broth. Oh my stars, that was good grub.

At this time, I would like to bid goodnight to my friends and supporters. You've been wonderful. The massage is still affecting me, and I think I shall go to sleep. :)

bangs: I have 'em

For the first time since I was two years old, I have bangs. When I asked my mom to cut my hair, I was thinking longish side bangs that would more or less frame my face. The result wasn't quite what I'd anticipated, and I was near to crying, but it's just hair. I figured it'd grow back eventually, and hey, if nothing else, it's blogging material. (Fascinating how any scenario--no matter how bad--immediately has a positive light cast upon it when I consider the blogging possibilities. It can very much make my day.)

Anyhow, upon returning to NU, I talked with a few friends and was expressing how I didn't really like the bangs. They all thought it looked fine. Well, even so, I wanted to get ideas on what to do with them. This ended up with a new hair trim that has really created bangs. Like Anne Hathaway from Devil Wears Prada bangs. The real deal, all "mod" and crazy like. I believe I shall post a picture to demonstrate.

Again, still getting used to them, but people keep telling me they're cute. I don't know if the whole world has been drugged, or if I'm just overly picky about my hair. I recognize the cuteness factor, but it's just a huge shock to look in the mirror and see my bangs. For goodness' sake, where'd my forehead go? And my eyebrows that are a cross between Groucho Marx and Brooke Shields? They've spontaneously vanished! This is just nuts.

(I'm the girl in the mirror)

laughter can be fun :)
Because if I'm going to have the "mod" hairstyle, I need the matching "mod" makeup, right?

*scrunches up face*

I was at work this morning and a random headache decided to assail my brain. I am not pleased with said headache for having tried to ruin me. It did not succeed. Extra strength Tylenol overcame. And praying that it would go away quickly also helped. (Or maybe that's what really did the trick and Tylenol was just a placebo...) Whatever the real situation was, it is now over and I am gearing up to continue my day.

EDIT 8/18/06 at 5:55pm: I do not recall what happened the rest of this day because it was a long time ago. (seemingly) Plus, I don't remember what happened a few hours ago, let alone a few days. But the general sentiment remains intact.

Good Idea/Bad Idea

Good idea: eating strawberries
Bad idea: not washing strawberries before consumption, leading to potential overload of pesticides in my digestive system

Good idea: watching CSI with a friend
Bad idea: watching CSI with a friend who likes to mess with you

Good idea: watching a scary tv show with a friend in her dorm
Bad idea: watching said scary show late at night in a room located at the exact opposite end of the residence halls from my room, requiring me to traverse empty halls late at night, expecting crazed maniacs to leap from darkened dorm rooms, wielding monstrous elements of torture.

Yeah, my imagination runs away with me.

Manic Monday

I woke up this morning with a blinding headache which caused me to stumble through my "get ready for work" routine this morning. I was half an hour late to work as a result of being practically incapacitated, but fortunately, my manager(s) are understanding of that kind of pain. Migraines are one hereditary curse that I'd rather not have.

However, the meds finally kicked in and I am feeling fine. *whew* There's a lot to get done, and having to deal with a headache that temporarily paralyzes me upon standing and kneeling--it takes awhile for that "I'm going to die" pain to dissipate--would have been inconvenient--to say the least.

Another perk to the morning: Tyler called me from the field. He's out of the office and about 30-40 miles from civilization. We talked about forty minutes on the phone--which surprisingly didn't distract me all that much from work--and it was really good. That makes two phone calls within three days--a lot for both of us since we're not much for telephones. Anyhow, it was good to hear how he's doing and how his confidence is growing with his leadership skills. He has the capacity to be a great leader, he just needs to find his footing for sure and take off. It's neat to see/hear that happening. :) I'm so proud of him, sometimes it feels like I could burst.

Now, I'm on my lunch break eating another meal that's been sort of thrown together. At first, I didn't think that I had anything I could eat for lunch. I have a loaf of bread and sandwich fixings, but the bread is still frozen--heh heh--so that idea went out the window.

However, I had a half can of chili left from dinner last night and a can of tomatoes, so I thought of putting those together, sort of make the chili go farther. But then that didn't look quite right, so I had the brilliant idea of adding peanut butter. Don't gross out on me yet, hold on. I thought it would be similar to groundnut stew--which we ate a lot of in Ghana--and voila! It tastes pretty darn good after all. Hmm...maybe I should store this idea away for future reference. And, since there's plenty of protein, I should be able to focus this afternoon at work and do pretty much a lot--which is good since I'll be missing most of tomorrow due to dentist and orthodontist appointments.

Let's hear it for the boy(s)

I have to admit, I like boys. (And Ty breathes a sigh of relief. I know, it's a good thing that I'm straight.) I love the way that guys can be so carefree. Yeah, sometimes their search for fun and adventure gets them in trouble, but a lot of the time, it's innocent.

Ex: "We didn't mean to blow up the neighbor's birdbath--honest! We were just making a cannon...and it worked better than we hoped!"

To be honest, if it weren't for the guys in my life--with a few notable exceptions--I think stress would become way too overwhelming. And of course, if we didn't have guys at all--besides being the end of our species--there'd be way too much pms and the world would collapse anyway!

So the next time you want to bash a guy, remember how great they are. And I will do the same.

I leave you with this video of guys being their wonderful selves, set to "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy. I have some very poignant memories of the guys (not the ones in this video) associated with this band. I miss them, and I'm glad they'll be back on campus soon! All that to say, the video is very fitting.

Must give kudos to this dude for his creative dancing.

Also, playing the piano will never be the same for me again.

Due to the boredom that is resulting in my surfing the web for random and fun videos, I'm tempted to make something like this.

Vader costume: $85

Secondhand video camera: $150

Editing software and equipement: a lot of dollars

Having the time to make a movie with Darth Vader singing: priceless.

Rent

Last night, I needed to get out of the dorms and off campus. Elizabeth took me to Red Robin's in Bellevue--kind of our haunt--and that was great. Lots of fun, good food, and much messing with the server--it's okay, we know him. Then we were wandering around the mall for awhile, not really doing much, when Meghan called and asked me if I could bring some things up to her place from another friend's room--Tia.

Earlier in the day, she'd called and left a voice message inviting me up b/c there's a buttload of people these days who are stressed out of their minds and she was offering her space as a great destresser. At the time, I'd appreciated the gesture, but was thinking of just staying in my room and being alone for awhile. So I'm glad when Eli dragged me to the restaurant and started the destressing process.

Anyhow, Eli and I got back to the dorms and picked up the various items requested before going up to Meghan's to chill with her and Tia. It was so much fun. I haven't had a blast like that in a long time. The destressing was essential by last night. We had more food, tons of laughter and joking, and even some serious time.

We capped the night off by watching Rent which, if you haven't seen it yet, is an essential film (or stage production) to watch. I say this not to support the homosexual lifestyles portrayed in the film, but to point out how much the church is neglected and rejecting those who need love and support the most. The character Angel in the musical--who is a drag queen--is an incredible portrayal of Christ's love. I don't know if that was the intention of the writers, but s/he loves everyone, accepts everyone, and is the support and strength of those around him/her even while dying of AIDS. Seriously, I wish I was more like Angel.

The movie made me cry, and I have a renewed interest in reaching outside the Christian college bubble and being a friend to those who don't necessarily share my views, but do share my humanity and are deserving of seeing God's love. I, for one, am sick of the "us or them" mentality so prevalent EVERYWHERE. We're all people, regardless of race, creed, background, etc. And we're all broken people. Get past it. If we weren't all broken, we couldn't be mended by God, and we couldn't bolster each other when going through the hard times.

chocolate

Today became a chocolate day. It was not nearly as stressful as yesterday--a day which repeatedly saw me throwing myself violently to the floor in frustration. (Childish, but effective. No one saw me do this, by the way. Not even customers.) There is so much to get done in the bookstore and I don't know how it will get done, especially with us losing one of our workers at the end of this week. But I digress.

By this afternoon, I was getting very short with my coworkers due to being interrupted and needing to shuffle all kinds of textbooks around on the shelves and then being interrupted again--if not by eager beaver students clamoring for the books that HAVE NOT ARRIVED YET, then by coworkers asking me questions. Like I have all the answers to all the bazillion and a half questions in the bookstore! I'm only the STUDENT WORKER!!!! AND I ONLY WORKED PART TIME DURING THE YEAR!!!!!! PLEASE! STOP! ASKING! ME! QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*takes a deep breath*

All that to say, I needed chocolate desperately. And it worked. I calmed down. I didn't feel like throwing twenty pound textbooks at people's faces anymore. I could resume normal conversation and my pulse slowed to a regular rhythm. Then a random thought hit me. Chocolate must be something akin to sex. It must trigger similar hormonal releases...or something.

So I texted that thought to my former roommate and also to my boyfriend. I wanted feedback. Not much came from the roommate, except she thought I was high. Tyler texted back a response that takes the cake. I'm going to share it with you: "My mom says she isn't a huge chocolate fan and the only huge one she knows is a virgin."

I guess that answers that question.

I've never had sex, so I don't know what it's like. But if it's anything like chocolate, I think I'll love being married [some day, Lord willing. (Please, God, be willing!!!)].

death has its appealing qualities

Okay, that's a macabre way to title a blog, but it's true. Death is often a very appealing "thing"--I use that word b/c I'm too dead, pardon the pun, to come up with anything more descriptive.

I have not thought about dying for about a year and a half, when I was depressed and suicidal. To alleviate all concerns, I am not suicidal...not in the least bit. I don't want to kill myself. I don't really want to die. But death is certainly sounding nice at the moment. Confused? So am I.

Today is the kind of day that makes me think of dying as peaceful and it also makes me think of sleep, which is probably why it sounds so bloody good right now. I am tired. I am worn out. Yes, I did just have a vacation, but being sick and being thrown into the panic-mode of TEXTBOOK SEASON at work right off the bat sort of erased the wonderful goodness that came from the trip to AK. And now I desire to pout about it, but that takes too much energy that I need to conserve for work.

I felt like collapsing in the bookstore all morning. In fact, I spent as much time as I could sitting down while working b/c my legs are--go figure--tired like the rest of me. And my lower back hurts. It's enough work to drain my mental faculties and yet not enough to keep me so focused so as to forget about how draining it is. (Does that make sense?) I asked my manager today if my term of servitude was up so that I could be dead. She looked minorly concerned, but she has way too much on her plate--ie. dealing with professors and textbooks and impatient students--than to worry about one of her workers expiring on the floor. Also, and this is more horrific, we're losing the other student worker at the end of this week. This means STRESS for the rest of us, as if we didn't have enough pressure already.

(God, is my term up? Can I come home yet?)

This is also why I'm taking an hour lunch break instead of the typical thirty minutes. I needed to get out and to sit down.

toothbrush epiphanies

Some of my deepest thinking apparently happens when I'm brushing my teeth. I didn't fully comprehend the importance of dental hygiene until just now. If I never brushed my teeth, I would never have these deep thoughts. Now that I've built up this deep thought so much, I shall now proceed to tell you what it is, and you will probably be disappointed. (But I'm not going to apologize for that.)

My deep thought is kind of complex, but it's deep, so that's understandable. When Pippa was visiting the beginning of this month, I was telling her all about my life since grad. One of those developments sparked the comment, "You should pray that your heart will be broken for the same thing." And I agreed, and still do. But at the same time, for all the agreement, I haven't done a lot of praying about it. (This dawned on me while I was brushing my toofums.) So that sparked the next thought and the next row of teeth.

The ensuing pontification was why have I not been praying about this? I mean, really, if I agree with the statement then why the holdup? Seriously, what gives? I pondered some more, then realized why. I believe I'm scared. I'm scared about how things will further develop if my heart is broken in this way. Right now, I can invest so much, but not everything. If this happens, I risk investing a lot more, and losing a lot more if said developments turn south. At the same time, I can't only invest so much and no more, because that's not what relationships are about.

I know what I need to do, and I'm scared to do it.

j'ai sommeil

Hier soir, j'ai dormi a peu pres de dix heures, mais j'ai encore du sommeil. Pourquoi?! Peut etre c'est a cause de la plenitude de dodo j'ai eu ce weekend.

Screw that. I'm not going to try blogging in French. My mind is not going to function and if anyone who actually spoke French stumbled upon this blog, he/she would laugh his/her guts out at the pidgen French I am attempting to blog. So meh.

In other news, I wish I knew flamenco. Or tap. Or any kind of rhythmic dance, really. It would be such fun to know a dance well enough to be able to randomly throw myself into it someday, regardless of who was around. Oh the fun I could have with that. Oh the toes I could tread on in administration...

EDIT at 3:43pm: It's strange that even a memory of having to say goodbye can bring such melancholy. I felt like I was saying goodbye all over again. Why? I don't want to have sadness today, not when the weather is gorgeous and I am finally feeling like the cold is getting kicked in the butt. Hmph. Silly emotions that hurt. Blast.

EDIT at 6:33pm: Hooray for being done with work. I don't think I could have taken anymore book pricing and labeling today. The last section I did was a nursing class that required 12 books. That's right, TWELVE. Sadistic nazi teacher. (Who I'm told is actually very nice.) So glad I'm not a nursing major! The most annoying part about that was that she hadn't turned in her textbook requisitions on time, so I had to hand write all of the labels instead of just filling in the price. Oi. headache.

Now I'm in my room, trying to recuperate from work. I need a little down time before I tackle the various projects before me. 1) finish unpacking from AK (I know it's a little late to be doing that...) 2) clean room 3) do laundry 4) wash dishes 5) do research for Ramadan article 6) go to bed. We'll see if I get all of this done. :)

*blink*

I don't quite know what to make of this. Comments?

Nature Girl

Okay, so I didn't spend that much time outdoors today, but it was delightul nonetheless. In fact, I feel Vitamin D positively oozing from my pores as I type. That's always a good sign. Another good sign: I'm hungry. There are actual rumblings in my tummy requiring me to feed them. That ought to mean that I'm feeling better.

But back to the outdoors. I dragged my sorry carcass from my bed around three-ish, then took a shower. Showering also helps a person feel better. Go figure, hygiene=health. After that, I felt like going outside and enjoying the glorious weather. So I did. I first went to a cherry tree in the middle of campus, climbed that, and read for awhile. But it wasn't a very perchable tree, and if I'm not fully comfortable, I can't focus on what I'm reading.

I left the tree after awhile and went further up campus to the stream. That looked beautiful today, so I found a spot in the shade that still had enough sunlight to stay warm, and reclined there. Perfect! There was a thick mossy cushion under the grass, and there was enough sunlight to be warm, enough shade to keep from being burned, and I almost wished I had someone to share it with. Almost. Sometimes, it's just as well to enjoy God's creation without others around, especially when it becomes an emotional/spiritual enjoyment. Sometimes having people around just spoils it. Sometimes. (Boy, if that doesn't sound like I took a stand...ha.)

I'm feeling sleepy again, but I think I'll fight the urge to sleep for another three or four hours. Then it shouldn't interfere with my regular sleep schedule and I ought to be well rested for work tomorrow.

sapped like a maple

Day two of having very little energy, although today is seemingly better than yesterday. I got eleven hours of sleep last night, which in my book is pretty darn good. I slept all day yesterday. People say that sort of jokingly, but I'm serious. Except for a few hours of coherence scattered throughout the day, I slept quite soundly. Perhaps that was a result of taking cold meds...?

Anyhow, I slept in today and did not go to church. Now that it's too late to even bother getting ready and getting there, I feel annoyed with myself. I don't think anyone will miss me anyhow, so I guess it's okay, but still. Wish I were there instead of feeling bleh here.

I think I might even venture outdoors today. It's glorious weather out, and I might as well take advantage of it while I can. That would, of course, require me to take a shower, and that sounds like a lot of unnecessary energy expenditure. We'll see.

exhaustified

So it's almost four in the afternoon, and I've been out of bed for about half an hour. I think I'm going to go back to bed soon, actually. I'm very tired, my body is sore, my head is congested, and sleep sounds darn good right now. I've only gotten up--prior to this excursion--to go to the bathroom and take drugs.

Is this what mono feels like?

for the curious

If you want to see the pics of AK, I posted them here. Enjoy!

my first audioblog!

cuteness

This is an entirely egotistical blog.

I look darn cute this evening. I finally got enough rest and drugs in me to feel pretty normal. So, since it was a friend's birthday today and I'd been planning on going up and chilling with her for awhile, I took a shower this evening and put on clothes--clean ones that happened to be cute. Hey, if I'm going to celebrate a friend's birthday, I can't just wear my shlubby sick person clothes.

And, since I'm being egotistical, I'm going to tell you what I wore. For one, I wore my "Annelle" boots which have sentimental value, especially with the friends that I hung out with this evening. I wore my new jeans that I got yesterday as well as a fuschia tank top and a beige jacket. The compliment about the jeans: "Don't take this the wrong way, but your ass looks good in those jeans." Ha! Made me smile. Maybe not the best language, but the compliment was much appreciated. (Oh! Scandalous!)

[took a blogging break in here to change out of cute clothes and to prevent further dancing]

It was so much fun to hang with fellow English majors. I don't want to sound exclusive, but they're a great bunch of people, and there's a way that we relate that's unique and, well, I guess it is kind of exclusive. But not in a mean way, it just kind of happens circumstantially. I'm just beyond the fringe of it myself, getting closer to the core group. I need to start writing more so that I can bring stuff to Ave and participate. [removed topic: depression killed my creativity and it's still not quite to where it used to be. must find again!]

I was surrounded by adult smells up there. One was the smell of tobacco smoke. It was pungent and, dare I say it?, delightful. Why can something that's so bad for you actually seem good? *sigh* That's one habit that I'd probably be willing to take up...except it easily becomes an addiction, and I've had it with addictions. They suck. Also, I believe I smelled alcohol on someone's person, but not sure. It might've just been cologne and guy sweat masquerading as alcohol. Either way, it was a reality check. I'm growing up. I'll be twenty-one in a few weeks and that's the end of youth--in a sense. I'm going to be an official adult--not that I'm even interested in the privileges normally associated with that age--and it's kind of scary. With growing up comes a boatload of responsibilities. Carefree days of youth can be kissed sayonara. Isn't this ironic...the song that just came over my speakers? Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve. Hm.

Anyhow, back to me. (Remember, this is an egotistical blog, and I fully intend on going all Peter Pan on you and proclaiming, "Oh the glory of me!") So I got back to my room after all this, still dressed all cute, and feeling more alert. I turned on my music and started dancing in front of my mirror--this is a typical activity for me. (One must perfect one's moves, mustn't one?) And I've come to the conclusion that my future husband--whoever he might be, should he exist at some point in the future--shall be captivated by my hips. Let me explain that. Similar to some of the Song of Songs passages, but not quite the same extent, I dance with my hips...a sort of pseudo belly dancing move.

Eh, it's the reason why I don't dance in front of people. I'd probably get kicked out of school if I performed that move in public...at least on campus. Now I sound slutty. That wasn't the intention, b/c it's not particularly ho-ish. Just at this point in time, in the circumstances I find myself in, it would be inappropriate. (I'm so digging myself a hole right now, but I feel this urge to keep explaining myself. And I'm too lazy to go back and delete and rewrite. Plus, it's more fun for the reader if he/she can read the inner conflicts of my mind. Or maybe I'm purely delusional.)

All this to say, I looked cute, I dance provocatively--which is why I DON'T dance in front of anyone--and I'm obviously still sick. Otherwise, this blog would never have been written. I'm embarrassed now. I'm going to go hide my head under my pillow.

windshield

Here are the pics of the windshielf post wood block contusion:

normal doesn't exist in my world

I think I shall remain in my room for the entirety of my life. Whenever I leave, things happen. I woke up this morning exhausted and hardly had the energy to text my boss and tell her that I didn't have the energy to come into work this morning because I was sick. All of this after twelve hours of sleep. Tell me if that's normal because in my book, it signifies that something is horribly wrong.

So my former roommate texted me around this time, telling me that she was on campus. I texted her back and asked if she would come check on me, to see if I was really as sick as I felt. (She is a former nursing major.) She came, said I looked not quite so hot, I panicked--in my sluggish sick way--and suggested we go to urgent care. After all, she drives, so I could actually go and find out if it was more than a head cold.

Once there, the nurse sort of rushed through everything, then it took awhile for the doctor to come in and pronounce, "You only have a head cold," and leave. Then I waited a long time for the nurse to come back, have me sign something, and then to give me a prescription which I didn't fill because I didn't feel like wasting any more money on "just a head cold." Unless I am actively expelling organs from my body, I refuse to go back to urgent care. This is the second time that I've wasted my $10 co-pay to have a doctor give me a look like, "Why are you wasting my time?" and then say, "It's just [insert pansy illness here]..."

On the way back from urgent care, we hit some traffic and were driving slowly when--out of the blue--something smashed our windshield. No, it was not some ghetto delinquent getting a high from dodging in and out of vehicles taking random swings at cars with a baseball bat. It was, in fact, a chunk of wood that fell from construction on the overpass that we were about to drive under. Praise the Lord for safety glass, because although the windshield is smashed, glass did not explode in all directions and kill us. Also, praise the Lord for traffic going slowly, because had we been going the speed limit, it is very likely that one or both of us would be severely injured and/or dead.

It took awhile to figure things out, but after a state trooper and a guy from the construction group came, things got figured out, and we were once again on our way. It's been an exciting few hours to be awake. I think I might go back to bed now. Maybe then my nose will cease its dripping.

two things

Two things guys will never understand about girls: fat/skinny jeans and pretty underwear.

Every girl will have at least two pairs of jeans. One will be "fat" jeans, and the other will be "skinny" jeans. Unbeknownst to most guys, girls' weights fluctuate throughout the month, regardless of diet and exercise. Call it female side effects, but it sucks. So every girl will have a pair of jeans that she wears only on certain days of the month when she seems to have gained pounds in certain areas, seemingly overnight. Skinny jeans are feel good jeans. These are the jeans that girls turn to when they are feeling good about themselves. As for me, I have more fat jeans than skinny jeans, but maybe that's changing...

And the underwear thing. Guys simply don't understand why girls buy pretty underwear. To them, they usually can't get past the seductive properties of cute underthings. (I can't really blame them.) But a girl's underwear does much more than keep her together or to help seduce her man. Underwear for girls is like a power tie for guys. It can make a girl feel pretty, flirty, sexy, plain jane, athletic, spunky, moody, etc. It does a lot. Really, a pretty set of undergarments can make all the difference. I doubted this until just today, actually. Now, I know different. That's the dealio on jeans and undies.


And I had a weird dream this morning. Some weirdness concerning dating and past dating that never truly existed. Odd. I don't know where it came from, but it was strange. I had to ask my mom about it b/c this one character in the dream seemed so real that I could have sworn I knew him in real life. Bizarre!!!!

Miz. Grumpy Gills

That would be me. I was a grump today. (Sorry, my bookstore peeps!) I was tired and hungry and not feeling well all day. Plus, I scraped my knuckle on the wall and it bled. And it's still open an open "wound" and it hurts. Stings when I wash my hands. *pout* I want to go sulk about it...but I don't have the energy.

After work, I packed my overnight bag and then hit the bus stop. Had to wait for seemingly forever before the right bus came. When I transferred buses, it seemed like "wash, rinse, repeat" and then I had to wait at the ferry as well. Am I supposed to be learning patience, God? Maybe so...but it kind of ticked me off. I usually don't mind waiting for buses and ferries, but I was tired and hungry and cranky by the end of the day and being in transit for a little over two and a half hours when I needed food didn't help. I ate a Twix in Fauntleroy to tide me over, but the sugar only made me feel gross.

Oh, and I've been having weird guys looking at me. I don't like it. In the airport in Seattle, all these weird guys kept giving me weird looks that, frankly, weirded me out. Same thing at the ferry terminal in Fauntleroy. I DON'T LIKE BEING STARED AT BY WEIRD MEN!!!! It freaks me out! So stop! Or I'll be forced to carry mace! And YOU DON'T WANT THAT!!!!! Okay, I'm fine now. No, I lied. One more thing. Who the flip kept honking at me on the dock?! I'm not paranoid, but after yesterday evening and this evening, I want to start darting from hiding place to hiding place just to avoid the unwanted attention. I mean, really, what the heck is going on?! *CHOICE WORDS* Seriously disturbing.

Anyhow, I need to wake up early for an orthodontist appointment tomorrow morning. :( However, good things are coming from this. 1) I get new jeans out of the deal. (Score!) 2) I get a new retainer that's NOT falling apart. 3) I get to go back to work later in the day. I know, I'm lazy. Maybe I'm just bored. Bored sounds more ambitious. ;)

back to the old grindstone

I'm currently on my lunch break eating, well, I'm not telling you what I'm eating because it's weird even by my standards. No need to further the very correct observation that I'm strange. Anyhow, it's what happens when you have food but none of it matches. Yep. Odd stuff. Okay, there's a sick side of me that wants to tell you what I'm eating, but I think my sane half is pulling through.

It feels strangely like I never left for AK. Work's still here, not too much seemed to have changed. Life goes on. And my heart hurts. I'm not quite at the point of crying, but I'm definitely in poor spirits. Evan's wearing an outfit that is very similar to what Tyler wore on Sunday. And when I realized that, I almost started crying in the bookstore. I left my heart in AK. It doesn't feel like it's still beating in my chest. I keep reminding myself: three more weeks. But it's not just Tyler that I miss. I miss the whole family, and Ketchikan too.

Now is the time for me to press in to God and to focus more. I can't believe the summer's almost over. Where'd it go? It dragged, but now it's gone. Yipes. So I'm going to go to God with my hurting heart and have Him comfort it. He's the only one who can. :)

Ketchikan, Day 7

To begin with, my feelings towards modern transportation swing between love and hate. It's delightful when you're going to see people because you just hop on a plane and a few short hours later, there you be, with whoever the wonderful person is you're going to go see! But that process is too easily reversed and I find myself back in Washington, away from the Cronks and Ketchikan. :( I got used to Ketchikan, and now that I'm back in the dorm...it's just disheartening.

This morning, well, you got part of this morning in the last blog, so I'll skip ahead in the day. The weather was very foggy, rainy, overcast, and wonderfully glum. It was very fitting weather for today. If it had been sunny, there would've been false uplifted spirits. And I finished watching House of Flying Daggers today. It is an incredibly beautiful, colorful movie. It's a gorgeous film, intense plot, wonderful setting. It probably wasn't the best film to watch today as it had a tragic ending, but it was also somewhat fitting. In retrospect, I probably should have watched something with Hilary Duff in it instead. Happy go lucky goodness might have resulted in an elevated, less melancholy mood.

I watched the movie after I finished packing, which I did while I was the only person in the house. Everyone else was at work, so I had time to think and chill. A big part of me went through anxiety mode because I couldn't shake it from my head that I would be leaving in the evening. I think the only thing that kept me from crying--so far--is that Tyler will be coming back in three weeks and life will continue. Plus, I'll be really busy up through then, so the time will really fly. But I digress.

Princess came back earlier in the afternoon, followed by Les and then Tyler who smelled of fish, but it was a good smell. (Okay, no matter what he smelled like, I would've said the same thing. I love him. I can't really help the swoonage.) I tried printing out my boarding pass only to get a page that said the reservation had been manually canceled. (Say what?) Ty suggested I give the info to his dad who promptly figured it out--I just had to check in at the gate. No biggie.

Dinner was venison and baked potato goodness. Mmm. It's been a long time since I've eaten meat that didn't come from a farm. Yum yum yum. :) (Happy tummy!) Dinner sparked the question of what all I had eaten in Africa. I gave the list which elicited various responses. Mostly how could I eat zebra since they're like horses. Okay, so when I first tried it, I had a hard time getting my mind past the similarity, but they taste just like antelope... :)

I said my goodbyes a little after dinner. It was kind of surreal that the week was already over and that in a few short hours I'd be back in Seattle. I'm going to miss my new family. Heck, I already do. (Drat that stupid lump in my throat. No tears. Strong like a rock...okay, I don't know why I'm fighting the emotions. I miss them. And the kitties.) Tyler drove me to the airport--we took the ferry over, cuz, well, other than swimming, it's the only way to the airport. We had some time after I checked in to sit and talk before the flight left. (I think I was the only person who got on the flight, to be honest...) I kept trying to get Tyler to sing to me, but no such luck. He's a stubborn one, he is; but that's really a good trait, in my opinion.

Anyhow, boring flight. Nothing too eventful. I got back to Seattle in one piece. I am annoyed by stupid people in airports, however. When it says don't park in the loading zones, I think they mean not to park. But apparently, people are still dumb and will ignore the rules of the airport. Plus, there were a lot of sleazy guys in the airport that kept looking at me. That REALLY made me miss Tyler because he's anything BUT sleazy, and I miss how he looks at me--with respect and love.

Well, this one is sleepy and her thoughts are no longer coherent. So I'm going to bed.