quelle tristesse

I realized today, once again, why I despise being a missionary kid. Pippa left this afternoon, and the bus came so soon after we got to the stop that we didn't really have time to say goodbye, except for me to ask if she needed help getting her suitcase on the bus. I didn't even get to give her a hug. Going back to work, I had to fight the tears, and I realized that, yes, it sucks to be an mk. Pip is a friend I lived with for nearly an entire school year, and we were good friends in ninth and tenth grades. She moved back to the UK after that, and I didn't see her for two years. I saw her some at grad, then I didn't see her for three years until this visit. I don't know when I'll see her again.

Also, I don't like being teased as much as I am. I know it's only playful joking, and most of the time I'm perfectly fine with it. But when someone says something that's not even in the realm of "okay" in joking, I take some kind of offense. Just because it's totally bizarre. Oh, and another negative thing, one of my coworkers told me that another of my coworkers flirts with me all the time. AM I THAT BLIND?! Why don't I know these bloody things?! I'd rather go back to Africa...

More along these pessimistic lines: it hit me today that I'm not going to have a home soon. This dawned on me anew when--in light of sucky circumstances--I felt the urge to go home to get away from it for awhile. I realized that once my parents go back to Africa, I won't have a home. I'll have a dormitory, and until I have a place of my own, I will be homeless. Lots of people have offered to "keep the light on" should I need to get away for a weekend or a holiday, but it won't be home. I'll feel like a guest unless I'm actually living there. And I don't want to be rootless again. Just when I start sending down roots and feeling comfortable, I get tugged out again and set aside for further replanting. In fact, I'm probably never going to have a home, as I'll be a missionary one of these days. There will be no permanence in this manner. Good thing I have a permanent God, or I'd never make it.