"I wear the pants in the relationship so that he can't get into them..."

[By the way, the subject line was the all-time best line I have ever heard one of my girlfriends say.]

Tonight for Shosh's birthday, a bunch of us went to Moroccan food in Seattle. In case you're ever interested in AMAZING North African food, I would recommend Marrakesh on 2nd Avenue. So tasty. :)

Afterwards, I spent quite awhile talking with Maggie and Inga and then just Inga on the way back to my place on the Peninsula. I kept thinking about everything on my own for the last thirty minutes of my drive. My conclusion from the evening of girl talk: I want to stop being used emotionally.

The other day, a friend of mine jokingly said that *shock!* I did have a heart, but that it was buried in the back yard under land mines and trip wire. I laughed, and I would agree that it appears that my heart is well-guarded from any possible interlopers, charlatans, and marauders. Fact is, I'm not very good at protecting my heart from myself.

I'm very adept at sabotaging my own emotions and willingly letting others manipulate my feelings. They might not even be trying, but somehow I end up feeling used in the end. I don't think this is very healthy behavior on my part, and I want it to stop, but when I try to think of the steps to take towards that end, my head just reels off into nothing.

So I keep building fortresses and then letting the enemy into the keep via the back door. Perhaps I should study castlemaking further.



PS. Apparently, the interview at US Bank this afternoon went well, and I will be scheduled for a second appointment later this week. Also, looks like the library will be calling me on the morrow to arrange a potential interview time as well. Furthermore, I have an interview with Microsoft for next Tuesday.