toothbrush epiphanies

Some of my deepest thinking apparently happens when I'm brushing my teeth. I didn't fully comprehend the importance of dental hygiene until just now. If I never brushed my teeth, I would never have these deep thoughts. Now that I've built up this deep thought so much, I shall now proceed to tell you what it is, and you will probably be disappointed. (But I'm not going to apologize for that.)

My deep thought is kind of complex, but it's deep, so that's understandable. When Pippa was visiting the beginning of this month, I was telling her all about my life since grad. One of those developments sparked the comment, "You should pray that your heart will be broken for the same thing." And I agreed, and still do. But at the same time, for all the agreement, I haven't done a lot of praying about it. (This dawned on me while I was brushing my toofums.) So that sparked the next thought and the next row of teeth.

The ensuing pontification was why have I not been praying about this? I mean, really, if I agree with the statement then why the holdup? Seriously, what gives? I pondered some more, then realized why. I believe I'm scared. I'm scared about how things will further develop if my heart is broken in this way. Right now, I can invest so much, but not everything. If this happens, I risk investing a lot more, and losing a lot more if said developments turn south. At the same time, I can't only invest so much and no more, because that's not what relationships are about.

I know what I need to do, and I'm scared to do it.