open letters (with optional ninja skillz attached)

Dear Supermodels the world over,

I no longer envy you. In fact, I would never want to be one of you except for the super exotic locations you are able to travel to and the super amazing wacky creations you get to wear, all while looking super cool. (In a supermodel's world, everything is super, right?) The only thing I ended up with from a recent photoshoot was a pounding migraine. Ok, and there was Daniel's Broiler for dinner and the opportunity to be catcalled by passing acquaintances... Still, I leave the modeling up to you. After all, you're super qualified.

Sincerely,
NU's newest poster gal


Dear Potential Employers,

Please give me an answer. I want to put myself to use in YOUR workplace. Will you give me a chance?

Thanks,
Potential Employee


Dear Half-Filled Jar of Peanut Butter,

Whatever possessed you to fly across the kitchen and hit me in the head? Why did you think that I would catch you? I was concentrating on my ninja skills with a pot lid and a dishtowel, and you completely threw off my groove. Although I appreciate your attempt at helping me train, please reconsider your plan of action the next time you decide to launch yourself at me.

Painfully,
the Wincing Ninja


Dear Bag of Frozen Peas and Carrots,

Thank you for helping me out after the PB attacked. If it wasn't for your frozen goodness, the swelling would not have gone down as readily.

Gratefully,
the Relieved Ninja


Dear Person Who Shall Not be Named,

Although I do not quite equate you to Lord Voldemort, I still feel like Harry whenever you might be around. I keenly sense your presence, and you freak me out. One day, we shall meet and one of us shall destroy the other. Or maybe I just have an overactive imagination...

Sincerely,
"Harriet Potter"


Dear Former Bosses of my Sister and Brother-in-Law,

I have held off on addressing you for long enough. I believe my indignation and fury has cooled a bit over the past few weeks, but the facts still remain: you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Although you're both of Canadian descent, I don't think that gives you the excuse of being ignorant of how the free world works. Treating my siblings like Guatemalan refugees in order to have a nanny for your son is not how things work here. Maybe in Canada indentured servanthood still exists, but not here.

Furthermore, I think you may all have been able to patch things up had you not suggested to my sister that she divorce her husband in order to remain as your live-in nanny. Excuse me, but I think marriage is more important to my sister than her job.

Disgruntled,
the Sibling

Ack!

I woke up this morning with a bad case of nerves. About seven hours from now, I have an interview at US Bank in downtown Kirkland. Of all the job hunting I did yesterday, this was my most solid lead. I also, technically, have an informational session that I should attend in downtown Seattle for an NPO that pays $20/hr for an entry level position and provides benefits for its full-time employees.

Silly me, I'm actually not going to that to make sure I can make it to the interview in Kirkland on time. The Seattle meeting is at 2pm, the interview in Kirkland, at 4pm. You might be wondering why I'm opting out of the one for the other. I'll tell you: if your mission statement is that you want to eradicate poverty overseas, then why the hell are you offering so much money to your employees?! We certainly don't need $20 an hour to live a decent life--give it to someone who lives on less than $1 a day.

Anyway, my nerves aren't so much because I have an interview today. I'm confident that I can present myself decently and be mostly affable. In fact, I'm really not all that worried about actually being offered the job. What I'm more worried about is being offered the job and then realizing in a few days that I'm not actually supposed to be there.

I know I'm overanalyzing, and overspiritualizing, and over--ing a lot of things, but I get weird about commitments. I'm usually shy of committing to something, but typically, once I've committed, I hate backing out, which is exactly how I would feel if I started a job and then realized shortly thereafter, that this job was not for me. Ick.

So while I was lying in bed this morning, trying to ignore the nerves so I could go back to sleep until my alarm went off, I felt all jumbled up and confused. Then I thought to myself that I wanted a tangible rock to cling to, a friend to hug me tight, to hold my hand and walk me through it, and I realized that I was ignoring my biggest Rock available. Yet my biggest frustration with the Rock of Ages is that although I know He's always with me, I can't exactly wrap my arms around Him and listen to His heartbeat and know that He is physically present with me. I know that He's with me, and He's probably shaking His head at my too little faith, maybe even sad that I don't feel His presence as tangibly as I could.

Enough thoughts for the morning! I need to get stuff accomplished, so peace to one and all, and please pray with me for this interview to go well.