plans

I like plans. I like making them and dreaming big dreams that I hope to see accomplished by the plans that I set in motion to get there. (What a convoluted way of saying that.) Plans equal security in their certainty. Of course, plans tend to go awry, which is precisely why plans come in letters (plan A, plan B, plan Q, etc.).

Contingency plans are a favorite of mine. "If such-and-such should happen, here's what we do..." Growing up overseas, I've been through multiple contingency plans. We had a contingency plan for what to do should our house be broken into. (This plan arose AFTER we were burglarized in Ghana.) We had a contingency plan on how to get to the Cameroon/Chad border should political unrest occur while in N'Djamena. In high school, we had terrorism drills. No joke. We also had fire drills, but the terrorism drills involved a massive siren, and huddling in the inner corridor of the school buildings until the siren stopped. (Similar plan enforced at a boarding school in Pakistan, which saved those students' lives.)

The point I want to make is that I like to control my life. I like to make the plans. I like to follow them through. I like to bring about my own results. Happy little world constructed by happy little me. But when I structure my own life, I box myself in, and I have a tendency towards claustrophobia. Recently, I've had two stories--told separate from each other--cross my path to remind me of this.

My mom told me the first story in an email. She reminded me of when we were on our way back to Ghana for our second term. One of the missionary families near Accra had recently moved, and their house was in a prime location. It had hardwood floors, a decent yard, split level--very much an American house smack dab in the middle of Africa. We were planning on moving into the recently vacated Tesano (named for the suburb in which it was located) house, even down to having measured the windows for mini-blinds. We were so set on the house that when it was given to the Ghanaian general superintendent just a few months prior to our return, our family was, well, not devastated, but disappointed.

However, God knew what was best for our family, and a new housing opportunity opened up in another suburb of the capital, in Dome New Town. This house was beautiful. It was only a few years old, both Gwen and I had our own bedrooms, we had a school room, a guestroom, an office for Dad, a sewing nook for Mom, an atrium in the center full of plants, and a huge yard. Also, the most amazing dog came with the house.

The second story I heard--just a few days back--came from CJ the mailman. I've known CJ a few years now, and since I work at the bookstore, I've seen him almost every day for these years at NU. He's a good guy, full of spunk and laughter. And he loves God with all his heart. Well, he had come into the bookstore, left, then came back and said, "I felt this burden to tell you something."

"Okay, shoot," I said.

"Sarah and Hagar."

"What?"

"Sarah and Hagar," he repeated. "Sarah wasn't content waiting for the plans that God had promised her and Abraham. So she tried to force the plans."

So it took the second story for God to really sink the point in. (At least this time around. Pretty sure I'll have to learn it again eventually.) I finally realized that I've been trying to make all these plans for my life, fitting these pieces together just so to achieve just the right effect. Why do I think for even a second that the plans I create can even come close to God's plans for my life? My plans are like a Lego world in comparison to the grand adventures God has had planned for me since the beginning of time! I keep trying to figure out my life when God already has it figured out--to the very last detail. (Boy, I sound Calvinist right about now... ;) )

Now what does this mean? Well, this means that I'm releasing the tight grasp I have on my Legos. I'm stepping beyond the self-made constructs of my life to walk in the certainty that God guides my steps. I don't know what the future holds. (Not a clue!) But God does, and His love for me has created an incredible story. Now all I have to do is follow Him to see what it is.