mimic-ish of "I want a wife" by Julie Brady

In my advanced expository writing class, we were given this piece to read. (I recommend you reading it yourself or else this entry won't make much sense...) Several people have used the form to parody other facets of life--"I want a maid of honor," "I want a writer," "I want a Meghan"--and I felt like applying it somewhat to my own life. It's *mostly* in jest. :)





I want a resident assistant. I want a resident assistant who will create a theme for my floor and decorate accordingly so that every knick knack has its place and meaning so that when I move into that new strange environment called “college,” I will feel that I am moving into something of a home and not so much of an institution.

I want a resident assistant who will take the time to get to know me. I don’t want to have to go to her to get to know her side of life. I want a resident assistant who will plan many floor events to keep my overflowing social calendar filled—even if I never take the time to actually attend her events or appreciate the work she puts in. It’s her job after all, even if she’s concurrently working towards a degree and putting in hours elsewhere just to pay the bills. But come on: she’s a resident assistant. She’s here to help me—it’s in her job title!

I want a resident assistant who will listen to all of my problems when I come knocking at her door at 3 am. I also want a resident assistant who will intuitively know what is going on in my life when I purposefully choose not to fill her in.

I want a resident assistant I can complain about with my friends on the floor, because really, I don’t think it’s necessary to enforce quiet hours or crack down on pranks. College isn’t about learning; it’s like summer camp for adults, and I’m so an adult now that I’m eighteen and a high school graduate.

I want a resident assistant who will give me my space but who will also walk me through some of the biggest changes in my life as I transition and develop. It doesn’t matter that she’s also transitioning and developing. What matters is that she is supposed to know how to go through every step of the journey and will make it as easy as possible for me to grow up—I mean, “mature.”