the logistics of changing the world

(continued from previous blog)

In the midst of post graduation planning, my searches have brought me to various potential careers—ideally, ones that I may follow for the rest of my life. In this, I continue eying vocational paths with non-profit organizations focusing on humanitarian work like World Vision, Project Rescue, the Bill and Melinda Gate Foundation, and the International Justice Mission. Honestly, I find all of these organizations intimidating and overwhelming.

I do not have the experience, and I barely have the education required to apply for even the lowest job opportunities. I am not a lawyer. I do not have a decade’s worth of experience in a fast-paced, professional office. I am not an accountant, an executive officer, or a program director. I am a college student and a maid. I’m not even a fantastic maid.

So how do I change the world?

I further my education. I go to grad school, if necessary, and I make myself a student of the world. I pursue employment at agencies actively involved in solving world issues. I start wherever I can, and I do my best. I work hard, and I take the time for compassion. I listen to God, and I obey.

God…oh yeah, He fits in here too.

I should probably wipe the slate clean and start over in my conjectures. GOD is the one to change the world—not me. It is His world in the first place, and He is fully capable of binding up its wounds, wiping away its tears, and calming its bruised and worried heart. So I guess the question should be: where do I fit in to God’s master plan?

I know that God has a plan and that I have my role to play. I do not know what that is, which still presents a dilemma, but I can deal with it. Something Zain said during the Choralons service in Oregon was that God is willing to inconvenience you for awhile to make you ready. I do believe that what I am going through right now with all of the uncertainty is definitely part of that. I cried during that service, asking God to clarify anything, and coming to the point of understanding that I’m not going to understand for now. Am I ok with that? I’m not sure, but I’m at least getting there.

Augh…I can be so bipolar! One moment, I despair at never being able to impact the world; the next, I praise God for having everything in control and letting me be a part of it all. I feel so…human.