altruism vs. pessimism and the balance between

I have a severely disappointed altruistic spirit. I always think the best of people, and then I find that people stab each other in the back repeatedly.

Is it human nature to be so downright cruel? I mean, really, do we need to talk badly of people when they anger us? Do we need to be nasty? Is it inevitable that we will harp on others?

Also, when we desire to put distance between us, does that have to take the form of snotty coldness? Or is there a kinder way of separating?

And yes, I am guilty of all of this behavior, and it's just as disappointing--if not more so--in me as in others...

I very much feel like Jane Bennett in P&P, but not quite so naive. I can recognize when people are being total jerks, but I still hope for the best when behavior is questionable and not fully black and white. But for some reason, I never expect people to be totally underhanded/deceitful as they can be.



Totally different thought:

Why are there certain guys who have groupies, or as I like to call it, a harem? Why are there these individuals who attract girls like bees to nectar? Are they genuine, or are they complete frauds?

And, for the record, I hope to never be one of those groupies who gazes in addled admiration at her idol. I do not want to be so enchanted by a guy that I cannot see his flaws or be willing to correct him when he needs it. (Side note: I hope I only have true friends who will also correct me when I need it. I'm more afraid of making an ass of myself than of being corrected.)

For this matter, I hope I don't end up being one of those girls who flocks to another girl who is popular for whatever reason. I don't like the idea of seeing any one person as amazing over every one else. I think it's total bollocks to see people like that.

Yes, some people are infinitely more talented and congenial than others, but that doesn't mean that they are perfect or deserve that sort of honor. Speak well of them, treat them with respect, but for the love of all things sane, please treat them as another human being above all and remember Who deserves your praise and admiration wholly. (Hint: He's supernatural...)

PS. I do not want to conform any longer. I want to break from the mold, go out on a limb, and trust God with all my heart, body, and soul. I'm tired of fully trusting in people and getting hurt. This does not mean that I will be skeptical/cynical of all people. That's not the point. My point is that I want to keep God first and foremost because then, when people inevitably will hurt me, I'll be able to recover.