Frustration
It's somewhat ironic that I'm typing this brief blog from Tyler's computer since he and I don't seem to see eye to eye on this matter. This matter is that of the AG doctrinal position of the initial physical evidence of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit being that of speaking in tongues. Really, I don't have a problem with that doctrine. I agree that a "physical" way of telling that someone is Spirit-filled is that they will speak in tongues. That makes sense. The problem I have with this is that I know that I've been filled with the Spirit, but I don't speak in tongues. And maybe a big part of it is that I don't really understand it. I know that there is value and power to the gift, but I know that I have power in my prayers now. I wish that I could speak in tongues because there are so many times that I want to pray and words just don't come to me. I don't have the words to pray, and that's especially when I wish the Spirit would pray for me. Again, maybe I don't really understand the doctrine.
The reason why I'm on Ty's computer is that I just printed something off from his printer--the computer labs are all closed today b/c of the snow day--and the application that I just filled printed is for a missions trip w/ the AG and...of course, the matter of that doctrine comes up. I started filling the app out yesterday and filled out the personal section roughly, trying to get an idea of how best to fill it out. From here, I'm going to fill out that section again--neatly--and then continue on with the application process. I was very upset by this, and it still upsets me, and okay, I'm premenstrual, but it shouldn't be this bad.
My heart sunk in my chest yesterday when I got to that section. It just seems that I'm going to be excluded from working with the AG on account of this gifting. It's not that I'm not seeking the gift--I've been praying for it for over ten years. Tyler doesn't seem concerned about it because his perspective is that everyone will have that gift. But it's a gift. It's not like I get to choose to have it, it needs to be given to me. It's very discouraging. But I'm going to fill out the application, send it in, and let God take care of it. If he wants me to go to China, He'll make a way.
posted by Quesse Lómë @ 12:26 PM
2 Comments:
So troublesome that everything may hinge on one doctrinal statement. Argh. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees. I know you'll get to China.
i am glad that you understand that you are not missing out on being "filled with the Holy Spirit" just because you don't speak in tongues. and don't forget that the Spirit DOES pray for you, even if you can't put your feelings and thoughts into words. romans 8:26-27 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
don't despair. send in the application. you never know. i do hope you will get to go where your heart leads you, and in the way that you would choose. but in any case, there is usually more than one path to a destination.
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