crawling into God's arms
I've spent a lot of time in there the past few days. It's a good place to be, but it hurts a lot. At least it's okay with God if I cry my heart out. And He won't break it cruelly. He'll dress the wounds and make it all better.
...and I can't believe I'm crying again. It just keeps coming. Seriously, I haven't cried like this in a long time--tears are rolling down my cheeks as I'm typing, and I have to keep blinking to keep my vision clear. This is nuts. I don't know why it's been like this. Stop the trembling chin and lower lip! Stop the sobbing and the weeping and the headaches and the ensuing dehydration! Stop the puffy telltale eyelids the next morning. I don't want anyone to know that I'm hurting.
I don't want to let that be known...and yet I'm posting it on the internet. (What kind of a freak am I?!)
Okay, so maybe I do want people to know that I hurt. But I'm not expecting anyone to do or say anything about it. Because people don't tend to. I hope no one does. Because that shall only induce further bouts of tears that I don't need. And I don't need aches and pains from the emotional past to come back and terrorize me again.
And I don't need people to assume that they know what's going on. Because unless I tell them straight out what the deal is, it's doubtful that they do.
posted by Quesse Lómë @ 10:33 PM
2 Comments:
hello there, thank you for dropping by the frogg files. i am glad you enjoyed the honduras story! it is my pleasure to entertain people with my writing, so if you were entertained, i am rewarded. :)
thank you also for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. not knowing you at all, i certainly won't pretend that i know what's going on with you, but i do know that the verse in psalms about the Lord being close to the broken-hearted is quite true. from experience, i know this.
you may not feel it, but he is close to you. and i hope just the knowledge of that is comforting, on even a small level.
God bless, and feel free to visit the ol' lily pad again anytime.
Don't know what is going on, and won't pretend to know, dear. All I want is to be there for you. I can't be there like the Lord can, but if you want a shoulder, a cookie (I have some chocolate and butterscotch chips hidden away..shhh don't tell my dad!), or even someone to take a walk with for a little while, I'll be there. I don't care about the gas, I care about you. :) Love you. Glad you are leaning on Him in this. It IS really tough to do, but most helpful. If I can do anything at all, please don't hesitate to let me know.
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